Ahhhhhhh rural America, where skunks can, and most likely will, get into your trash at some point.
Lucky for S and I, skunks have managed to get into our trash at all three of our residences in the past 3 1/2 years that we've lived in Maine.
Needless to say we're pretty much done with skunks.
Because I'm not talking about cute, cuddly, baby skunks that you would seriously consider having as a pet if it got descented,
or the amorous Pepe LePeu who would only try to hump your leg if you stumbled upon him......
No no no, I'm talking about a huge, scraggly skunk that managed to get into our garage and rip into 5 bags of garbage that we had in there. So awesome.
this is nowhere near the size of our skunk.....
THIS is how big our skunk is, I'm not exaggerating....
Since the beginning of summer, we've have a mysterious guest who will show up and make a mess in our yard if a bag of garbage is forgotten about on our side porch. Well, that's our own fault, I know. But it still got pretty frustrating. We thought maybe it was one of our neighbors dogs, and that would've sucked.
A few weeks ago, while I was out on the front porch at night having a cigarrette, I heard the strangest noise....the only way that I can vaguely, accurately describe it was that it sounded like a cat yowling, but it was low pitched and it was almost jerky...like that cat was low-pitched yowling as it was running down the road. Can you imagine a sound like that? I wouldn't blame you if you couldn't, it really is the most horrible description. Anyways, I freaked out a little and went back inside. I'm a scaredy-cat.
A month or so before that....the same scenario, I was outside at night by myself, and definitely looked down and saw a freaking huge skunk at my feet. It took a lot of willpower to not scream. The fat thing waddled off on it's own while I was frozen in place. Like it was a T-Rex or something and wouldn't see me if I didn't move.
Am I afraid of skunks? No. But I would be stupid if I wasn't afraid of getting sprayed and dying outside while S tried to find all of the tomato soups that we have in the house.
Last week, S went into the garage, and found alllllll 5 of the bags of garbage we had in there ripped open and nasty smelly trash all over the garbage. We also had the garbage can that we have outside, tipped over and the garbage bag in there had been ripped into also. It was so awesome spending time on a Saturday morning bonding with S while we cleaned up trash together.
We figured out it probably wasn't a dog getting into our garage since none of the doors had been left open. I thought maybe a raccoon....we were both pretty mad. "Fuming" would be a more accurate descripton.
The next night, you guessed it, I was out having a cigarrette (seriously, I don't really smoke that much) when I could hear whatever f**ker it was, getting into our garbage IN OUR GARAGE!!!! I could hear this thing rustling around in our bags of cans.....I stopped breathing to make sure that I had heard right...I heard it again! I ran inside and got S, who promptly shot up, got his gun, and stealthily headed for the garage. He tried shining the light from his gun into the window of the garage to try and see what it was...no luck. We both manned up and I lifted the garage door as S aimed his gun just in case the critter made a run for it.
We bravely poked the bags of cans, S pointed his light....and there it was. This huge ass scraggly white tail. We ran. We went back to make sure. Yup. Huge ass skunk. Great.
We hemmed and hawwed, talked about shooting it.....S said "not a good idea", since it would probably spray, and we definitely didn't want that to happen since our garage is right next the house....mainly the kitchen and the kiddos room. No good. We closed the garage door back up and went to bed.
Since then, we have borrowed a Havahart trap from one of my cousins and set it up in the garage. It's been one night. No luck yet.
We've used them before, they're pretty handy.....
But apparently the fat f**ker managed to tip over the garbage can in our driveway again and get into that trash bag.....instead of the nice tasty trash bag that S had put near the Havahart trap in the garage to tempt the skunk. I got to clean up that trash this morning, because S didn't see it before he went to work (he parks on the other side of the house).
I'm not feeling quite so generous anymore about keeping the skunk alive.
But we will. Don't worry.
Who doesn't love picking up nasty, smelly trash in the early morning dew while you're still wearing your pajamas?
On another note, while I was searching Pinterest for pictures of skunks to put into this blog, this came up:
WTF?? Ladies, if you think for even a second that this is a good costume, sexy even, you need to seriously reconsider. This is not sexy. Nobody likes a skunk whore. Just sayin.