7.13.2013

The Past Few Days Have Been Pretty Hard....


Why?

Because Dude and I have been butting heads all week and I'm going a little crazy.

I want to cry, I want to scream and tear out my hair, I am quickly losing alllllll of my patience. 

And I have no idea what's going on. 

And honestly, at this point, I'm having trouble continuing writing from here....because I have no idea what's going on with us lately...or how to go about fixing it.

Let me start from the beginning of the week.

Honestly, Monday wasn't all that bad.  Tuesday, things started going downhill.  S and I had decided to let Dude go to VBS that day, since his great grandmother was going to be there...and we wanted him to experience it, and it would be good for him from a socialization point of view.  Well, I dropped him off at 9am....and had the hardest time leaving him.  It's not like I was concerned about any of the people who were in the church.  Honestly, I knew about 90% of the people there.  And, I know that when I'm not around, Dude is pretty well behaved.  Princess and I went to town and did some wedding shopping....and we went back to pick him up.  I had everyone coming up to me telling me how sweet and well behaved Dude was!  That's always nice to hear!  Wellllll....when we got home, the Dude and I?  We started....I don't know, I can't even explain what happened!  Everything that he did made me mad.  He ignored me when I asked him things, whined whenever I told him "no", and seemed to do things to purposely make me mad. 

 
 
Was I overreacting?  Was I stressed because of everything that's going on with life these days?  Did Dude pick up on that and not know how to handle it?
 
Who knows.  But things didn't get any better.
 
Wednesday....I actually pulled the car over on the side of the road and yelled at Dude because he was purposely blowing huge raspberries and spiting all over the truck.  AwesomeI felt like a real great mom right then.  All day while I was trying to talk to people, Dude would interrupt, he would touch everything in sight even though I had told him not to, even though I had explained to him that we were in a very important place, and he had to be good, and do what I said and be a good boy.  It was ridiculous how badly he didn't listen to me..and did everything that I had told him not to even after being put in time out in the middle of the store.....yup, that's always a fun time.
 
Is this karma?  Am I being put through some crazy test
 
 
 
Thursday and Friday Dude went to VBS again and Thursday he came home in almost a worse mood than he had been in the past few days.  On Friday I almost blew a gasket when I got to the church early to pick him up...and watched from the doorway as my son crawled on the floor under the pews distracting everyone and trying to play with the other kids while the director of VBS was trying to give out awards for the week. I mean, I almost lost my freaking mind on him. Was Dude probably just done with the situation because it had been 2 and 1/2 hours and he's 3????  Probably.  But if I could have screamed at him for the way he was acting I would have!  But there was no way that I was going to disrupt the services any more....I wanted to die of mortification.  When I got out to the truck, Dude knew that I was mad at him, and he even knew why!  My nana tried to tell me that Dude always shows off when he knows that I'm around...but he hadn't known I was around when I saw him acting the way he had. 
 
I just don't understand!!
 
It got to the point, of me being so frustrated and upset, that of course I was talking about it with everyone at work last night...and I mean even the customers!!  Everyone, and I mean everyone, told me over and over that "he's a boy" "he's 3" and "it's just because he knows he can push your buttons
 
*sigh*
 
I KNOW ALL OF THIS!!! Truly I do!!!  But just because Dude is 3 means that I shouldn't have high expectations?  That I shouldn't expect him to act a certain way?  I know that my son is ridiculously smart, and that he knows how he should act in public....hell, that he knows how he should act at home!  So why doesn't he do it??!! 
 
The kid is almost in school...he knows that he has to behave when he's in school...he knows he's supposed to behave in public!  I'm seriously screaming inside over the way he's acted this week!
 
Am I overreacting?  I know I'm not PMSing.....are Dude and I around each other too much?  Of course my heart is breaking when I think of him starting Headstart this fall.....I think it will help our relationship when he starts going to school....people have told me that it will.  But after this week, I'm not sure.  I'm sure that so many people out there will think that I'm overreacting....well you would be wrong...but there is NO WAY that I could accurately write about everything that has happened this week!  If you want to call me a bad mom because I'm stressing out over my relationship with my kid....then you have to look again and realize that what I'm doing right now is hurting really bad because I already feel like a bad mom....
 
Especially when I see something like this.....
 
 
And I feel like the worlds shittiest mom
What am I doing wrong
 
God, I've felt like crying all week. 
 
 
Every night when Dude goes to bed, I take deep breaths and remind myself to wake up different tomorrow, that everything will be better in the morning.  When I wake up in the morning, I remind myself that everything is ok, that Dude is just 3, to try and not let him push my buttons.  Then Dude will walk out of his room already crying and begging me to get him food and I need to put on something for him to watch and if it doesn't all happen in .2 seconds, he whines louder and my nerves are, literally, already shot for the day.
 
Is there such a thing as Post Partum Depression happening 3 years after the birth???
 
I know that the stress of all of this is just piling up and making the situation worse.  I do take breaks from Dude, I do find ways to relax.....then my relaxation is instantly gone as soon as Dude does one little thing. How can I fix this?  How can Dude and I get back on the same page again?  I know he loves me, just like he knows that I love him.  I love everything about this kid, from the shape of his head to the way that he sleeps just like his father! 
 
So why does he seemingly try to purposely make me mad?  I know as a kid it's his job to push my buttons so that he can learn his limits, and learn how to behave in situations...
 
 
but if the terrible 3s don't end quickly.....I might lose my mind. 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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13 comments:

  1. Hey sweetie, you are a good mom:)) My sweet son is 23 and I still am doubting myself but he is supporting himself and just graduated from college so I guess it all worked out;))) He still gives me hugs in public and everyone tells me what a nice young man he is but he still can push my buttons!! LOL!!! So take a breath and it will all work out:))))

    Sending hugs

    PS I am following you via GFC and all ways possible!

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  2. I have had the same week with my son who is also 3. I feel like a horrible mom and tell myself to get some rest and start new tomorrow. It must be the age because he gets harder and harder as he ages. His sister who is a year older is so so easy and I tell my self they are different kids all together and they can't all be so well behaved. I am not the most patient person to begin with and as a mother I wish I had much much more and I try everyday to have more patience and to have more fun with the kids. Being pregnant has not helped and I think that he can sense the change (we haven't told them yet) and is acting out and I am just so tired and don't have the patience I need. I am sure the stress from wedding planning and the changes that are going to be occurring the household is part of his behavior. Stay strong mama! The 3's won't last forever and once they are gone we will miss them.

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  3. I've had four lots of 'Terrible Threes' now, and I promise you, it will get better. The behaviour they show at home, where they know they are 'safe' is almost always NOT the behaviour they show at school - it's like they get all the misbehaving out of their system at home! Best wishes to you, I know this is not an easy time.

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  4. This too will pass, you will work through it. It will just take time.

    Heidi’s Wanderings

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  5. I really feel you friend, I went through hell with my daughter when she was a toddler. Every single day it was so hard. She is highly sensitive ( which she gets from me lol) so being around too many people would cause her to feel uncomfortable and even lash out at those around her. It just got SO much easier the more she learned to speak and communicate her feelings. It used to be so bad that I avoided going out with her! Now she is such an angel. Trust me, it will get easier. Go easy on yourself and know that this stage will pass!!

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  6. First off, you are not a bad mom. You are the mom of a three-year old. I am not sure why someone decided it was terrible 2's. I don't think the terrible hits until 3. I have raised three boys. You will make it through. Just try to be as consistent with him as possible. I know you love this little angel, and you are trying to be the best mommy that you can be. Just don't stress too much over it.

    http://agutandabutt.blogspot.com/

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  7. New follower from the blog hop! I would love if you would follow me also. I am SO excited to be following along!
    XO
    dani
    Love Me, Dani Marie

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  8. Its funny I really loved this post because I feel I'm not alone. I wrote about a similar topic called "My kids don't want me to succeed" anyway new follower here.

    http://www.randomdrawers.blogspot.com.es/2013/07/my-kids-dont-want-me-to-succeed.html

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  9. Oh girl I totally feel you!! I have 3 boy's but my middle child almost 3 drives me INSANE!!!! You are not alone!!! my oldest is almost 6 now & he is awesome it will get better & I just have to tell myself that daily with my crazy one! Hugs!! Found you via Linking with my laides if you want stop by & check us out
    http://mylittlecircusandme.blogspot.com/

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  10. I'm a new reader from the Mommy Moments blog hop and I can tell you, you are not alone! Almost daily, something will happen between little man and I where I will start to lose my cool and it leaves me feeling like a terrible mother. Even at three, he seems to know just how to push my buttons! Hang in there mama, you're not alone!

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  11. Thanks for linking up with the Friday Flash Blog. I hope you checked out the highlighted posts as well as everyone’s terrific entries. Have a fabulous weekend!

    Jennifer
    thejennyevolution.com

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  12. Hi there! I am co-hosting this week on the Wondering Brain Show Off Weekend Blog Party. Thanks for sharing your creations with us! I hope you found inspiration in all of the terrific posts.

    I host a (Not SO) Wordless Wednesday Blog Hop and a TGIF Link Party at my place -- A Peek Into My Paradise... http://apeekintomyparadise.blogspot.com/ I would love for you to link up and follow (if you don't already) if you like what you see. =) I follow back - I love making new friends!

    I can't wait to see what you link up next week!

    Hugs, Cathy

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  13. 3 is so hard!! I have been through two of them (both boys) and have one more to go next year. It's okay to be upset, confused, and not sure what to do. I think we've all been there from time to time. But, I do want to point out one thing that could be leading to these issues between the two of you this week. It sounds like this was Dude's first week of being away from you and going to VBS. It also sounds like it is a lot of work, with him having to focus for so long at 3. So, he could be bringing home all of his angst from that situation and taking it out on you at home. That's not to say that he should be behaving that way (I understand your stress there, because I have high standards for mine, too), but it's always hard when something changes. Transition is never fun and at 3, it's hard to talk about those emotions. If that's not it, then disregard this, lol. But, I thought I'd point it out, anyway. I've been there and I am so sorry you had such a rough time.

    Carmen
    www.thetriplebs.com

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