This is something that has been on my mind A LOT lately. And I do mean, A LOT.
There is soooo much going on with our little family right now that it's ridiculous. So why am I thinking about having a third child constantly?
|Preggo with Dude, right before he was born|
|Preggo with Princess, yes I wore the same shirt on purpose|
Whatever it is, it's kind of driving me crazy.
More like, it's really driving me crazy.
I am in the middle of planning a wedding! I am busy with work, with my kiddos, with my man, with our house...... every day, there is something going on.
Maybe I should try to organize my thoughts....
Ugh...there's a lot to organize, so bear with me during this post!
S and I started discussing having a second baby in July 2010...Dude was almost 9 months. I remember it exactly because we were at a 4th of July bbq! I instantly got off the pill, but it actually took a few months for me to get preggo again....we found out in April 2011! Princess came into the world in November. She is now 18 months old, and I actually started talking to S about a 3rd child when Princess was a few months old. Why? Well....this whole situation didn't help. Sometimes I still get those "twinges" from "ghost baby." It definitely still freaks me out.
S is pretty vocal on the point that he doesn't really want another baby. I get that, and I stopped bringing it up, because it was just making me mad about how much he emphasized that he didn't want another. His reasons were valid, but I've always said to him that I would like to have 3 or 4 kids. Why? I don't know....why not? A few months ago, S told me that we can actually start "talking" about having a 3rd sometime soon, just not right now. You should have seen the smile on my face! I knew if I stopped bringing it up that he would relax about it. I also stopped bringing it up because we knew we would be having a wedding soon (we hadn't set the date at the time), and there was NO WAY that I was going to be (noticeably) preggo when the wedding rolled around! So, we continued with life in general, and we haven't really talked about it except for joking around and other random situations, but I think it's always in the back of his mind like it is in mine.
I know that a lot of people think that 2 kids is pretty much the awesome number. You don't need a huge vehicle, college tuition, etc etc. Of course there's lots of reasons why 2 kids is good, and I actually agree with them! Do I want to crawl into the truck to get a baby seat in between the kiddos car seats? It sucks crawling into that truck with Princess now...what about one more time around?
We have a boy and a girl! That's freaking awesome! I love that Princess gets to have an older brother like I do, I love that Dude totally looks out for his little sister! If we have a 3rd, there will be an uneven number or genders (unless maybe I have twins that end up being a boy and a girl, which let's not even go there because it does run in my family!).....Yes, S is afraid of having 2 daughters! I would love to have another boy... of course another daughter would be awesome, but Princess is definitely in her complete own category and I don't know how she would handle having a sister.
I also think that Princess is a wicked diva, and maybe needs to be brought down a notch and realize that she's not the only important person in this house! She's so funny! But she's my "baaaabbbyy" and do I want to do that to her? No, not really. Mostly it's a joke.
Are the kiddos getting a little bit too old to introduce a 3rd? Even if I got preggo right now (which would kind of be ok, because I wouldn't be showing by the time the wedding came around), the baby would be born innnn... March (or so) 2014? Princess would be 2, Dude would be 4 and in preschool, which would mean carting an itty bitty baby out to town 3 days a week with Dude and Princess. Waking a baby up early 3 days a week? That might be a problem. I always wanted to have our kiddos close together in age, that's why we started talking about having a second baby when Dude was so young. My brother and I are close in age, and I think it helped with how close we were growing up. If we had a 3rd now, there would be 4 years difference between Dude and the baby...would Dude resent this? Would he be ok with all of the attention for the baby? Of course we would have to negotiate that territory pretty gently with Dude. It was really easy to get him excited about his sister when he was younger and I was preggo, but I don't know how well it would go over now. When I ask him if he wants a baby, of course he says "yes"! But let's be honest here, and admit that when it comes down to it, he's probably not going to be wicked happy.
And since we're on the "age" thing....let's face it, I'm not getting any younger! Yes I know 31 isn't old, I don't feel old...but for health reason, now would be the time to have another and call it quits. I know it's possible to have kids later because of all of the medical advances...but I don't want to be like that.
Also, not to sound conceited or weird or anything....S and I made some pretty freaking good looking kids. Would it be wrong of me to think we hit the jackpot with those two and would we be so lucky with a 3rd? Yeah, that sounds pretty mean when I type it out. But if I'm going to be honest here, then there it is.
And with the honesty thing....I bounced back from 2 pregnancies with a smaller, hotter body than before, no stretch marks (yes I'm being honest), and even though I lost my boobs, it all works out in the end because everything else is so good! My hair didn't change, my skin didn't change, I didn't gain wicked weight with either pregnancy, and aside from a weird case of hives and pretty bad acid reflux when I was preggo with Princess, I had NO problems with either pregnancy. Is it wrong to think I lucked out on that too, and that I might get screwed a 3rd time around? Is it wicked vain and shallow of me to be thinking about myself and my own body and what it looks like while thinking of having a 3rd baby?
There are so many things to think about....Dude is in his Terrible 3's....do we want to go through this 2 more times?
Do we want to deal with cutting teeth again?
There is the fact that if we had a 3rd, whether it was a boy or a girl, we have all the clothes we would need!
S and I rarely get any alone time now.
Do I want to ask my parents to watch 3 kids for us occasionally? They would have to get a different vehicle too!
There's plane tickets to think of, amusement park tickets, always needing the "bigger" table at restaurants.
Then there's the fact, and I'm pretty sure of this fact, that the "middle" child always feels differently...do I want this for Princess?
Dude and Princess are just now getting to the age where they can both go out with S because they're both walking and it's easy for S to take them out in the woods.
Ahhhhh! There is so much that has to be considered with having another baby, and frankly, like I said before, it drives me crazy. I really need to let it go. Honestly.
Do I want to have another baby? Yes, definitely.
Should we have another baby? I really don't know.
Do I feel like I should have another baby? Yeah, I do.
Why? I love S with all my heart, and maybe I see it as showing him my love for him. I love how he looks holding our children, our babies. I love that he cried when he saw Princess born...it was the sweetest thing, and it was so great that he got to be there with me when she was born (he was in Iraq when Dude was born). I would love for him to be able to experience that again.
You can't see her, but she's there trust me LOL!
Calling S in Iraq literally right after Dude was born
Alright, I need to stop now. Looking at all of these pictures of my kiddos isn't helping!
Stay tuned for any developments!