Yup, you read that blog title correctly.
The other day, Dude was laying on his back on the living room floor, just hanging out, watching some Scooby Doo. He showed me a small piece of brown crayon that he found on the floor, and I made a mental note to take care of it before Princess woke up from her nap, and went back to the cleaning up that I was doing.
Then, I notice that he's sniffing a lot. Rubbing his nose, making weird noises.
What do I say to myself? "Ahhhh shit." I already knew where this was going.
Flashback to little Celena: I'm a sweet little 3 year old or so, and the front lawn of my parents house was all dirt because they were in the process of seeding it for grass. My brother and I had been sent outside to play....what do I do to entertain myself? Apparently I decided to shove pea-sized rocks up both nostrils.
Are you seeing a resemblance here?
My brother told my mom, my mom freaked out, then proceeded to stand me on the coffee table in the living room, have my brother hold a flashlight up my nose, and she used tweezers to pick every single rock out of my nose. And, so I'm told, there were a LOT. Very far up my nose. My mom said she could see lumps up in the top of my nose. My question to her, whenever I hear this story? "Why didn't you take me to the hospital???" She explains that she was so nervous that she wanted to get them out as fast as possible....I can understand that. Now.
Fast forward to my son and his weird sniffing noises. I ask him:
"What's going on?"
"I have something in my nose."
"Did you put that crayon in your nose?"
Inwardly I start panicking wicked. But from previous experiences I know that I have to stay calm right now.
Inwardly: "F**k. Crap. Should I call mom? Should I call nana? Crap. Crap. Sh*t. Where's the flashlight? Are my tweezers still in my makeup bag? Crap."
Outwardly: "Okay bud, let's get in the bathroom. Stop sniffing! Blow out, like you're blowing your nose!"
I stand Dude on the toilet, forcefully tell him that he HAS to stand still right now. I manage to figure out how to hold the flashlight aimed up that ridiculously small nostril to see that piece of crayon very far up his nose. This sucks. I again enforce that he has to stand STILL (as I'm thinking to myself that I really really really hope that I don't jam the tweezers up his nose and make the situation worse because Dude decides to be a wiggle worm while I'm performing this surgical mama move.
It took a few tries, and the Dude didn't squirm at all (I was surprised!) and the entire time I'm thinking that it's going to be kind of annoying if I have to pack up the kiddos to get to the ER. I eventually got the crayon out....after a huge sigh, I tell Dude to never put things in his nose again.
Apparently this kid is more and more like me every day.
What did I do 5 minutes later? I called my mom to tell her about this to give her a laugh.
Yeahhhhh, that's the piece of crayon...next to a freaking PENNY!!
*sigh* Welcome to my stay at home mama life.