3.17.2013

A Letter to my Future Step-Daughter



Dear K,

This recent situation between us is breaking my heart.

I remember when I first started talking to your daddy, and I was nervous about the fact that he already had a little girl who wasn't even 2 at the time.  But your daddy told me about all of the things that had happened between him and your mommy, that they were getting a divorce, and when it came down to it, I loved your father, from the first moment that I started talking to him....this love between us?  I knew that it would make me love you too, because you are part of his life.

When I first met you, I was unsure of how to act.  Like an aunt of some sort?  Love you, play with you, send you home.  That's how things went, but we grew to care about each other a lot.  I remember teaching you things, helping you go to the bathroom when the 3 of us went out to eat, getting you ready to go to the beach with me and daddy, taking you places, laughing with you, having you hug me because you were so happy.  I wiped your snotty nose when you were sick, gave you snacks, made sure your daddy didn't give you any more candy because we were about to take you home and you would be having supper. 

Did I act like your mommy?  Maybe a little because we were around each other so much.  But of course I knew that I would never be your mom.  That was ok....you have a mommy. 

But your mommy has tried continuously to hurt my relationship with your daddy.  This is where things got bad between all of us.

There was a time that I was invited along with your daddy to have supper with you and your mommy at your house.  I was invited to your 3rd birthday party, and was even asked to make the cake.  Do you remember that cake?  Your mommy had me watch you all by myself, because she had class and your daddy was at work.  Your mommy told me that she trusted me to take care of you, that she felt better sending you off with daddy for a visit because I was there.  Do you remember being at the aquarium with me and daddy and you were sick and all you wanted to do was cuddle with me?  We have pictures to prove it.

But then there were times that your mommy wouldn't let me in the house, because your daddy had proposed to me.  She threatened to have restraining orders put on me.  She taught you to call me "bitch."

I can understand how a young girl would feel like her daddy had left her, how she would be confused as to why her daddy hadn't come to visit her....let me explain.

Your daddy and I and Dude, moved to Maine when he got home from Iraq, because this is where Im from.  Dosn't your mommy always want to move back to California because that's where she is from, and where she is more confortable?  Your daddy understood why I wanted to be around my family, dosn't your mommy want to be around her "family"?  There wasn't anything in North Carolina for you daddy unless he reenlisted in the Marine Corps.  Then he would have deployed again and would have been away from his family all the time.  He didn't want to be in the Marine Corps anymore, no matter how much your mommy tried to tell him that it was a good option.  It wasn't a good option for your daddy and me.  About never coming to visit you?  Maybe some day, you will understand the concept of "money" and how much it takes to travel so far.  Your mommy has invited your daddy to come and visit, but it would have had to be only him.....this is not something that a grown man, who is dedicated to his family does.  Your mommy wanted us to send a few hundred dollars on top of the $400+ that we send every month for child support (do you see any of it??), so that you and mommy could come up to Maine.  Like I said honey, I really hope that someday you will understand, that the extra $200 or $300 she wanted us to send, would have taken food out of our childrens mouths and diapers off their butts. 

When your daddy and I first moved here, you still wanted to talk to me all the time.  We talked on the phone all the time.  You talked to Dude on the phone, you were excited to talk to us!  Then for a long time, your mommy didn't let you and daddy talk.  I'm sure that during this time, your mommy talked about me, talked about how I had taken your daddy away, that I was the reason that your daddy didn't visit.  I can only hope that someday you will realize that your mom hates me and is jealous of me.

And now, you and your daddy are talking again, having Skype calls when your mommy will allow it.  You have seen me numerous times while talking to your daddy on Skype....but have never said anything unil this past Thursday.  After your conversation with your daddy, where a fraction of my shoulder was able to be seen....you and your mommy called your daddy back so that you could tell him that you were uncomfortable with me being around.  Your daddy tried to explain it the best that he could.....tried to tell you that he and I are in love and that I'm going to be around for a long, long time.  That I'm never going to interrupt with your conversation with him, that I'm not going to laugh at you.  K, I love you, I have since I first met you when you were 2....the reason that I'm on the couch while you and daddy are talking?  It's because I'm hoping, and hoping, and hoping that you will want to talk to me again.  That you will disregard all the nasty things your mommy tells you about me, and that you will remember that at one point in your life, I was there a lot, and taking care of you, and pushing you on the swings, and watching movies with you. 




 
 

 
 


I have so many pictures of you K, that there is no way I could put them all here....

Your daddy and I are going to be getting married this summer K....and we talked, at length as to whether or not we should invite you...about whether or not you would actually be able to come.  Unfortunately K, we decided that you wouldn't want to come to our wedding, because you can't even stand seeing me on the computer....so you say.  We also know that your mommy would insist on being there....and I hope that one day, you'll realize how inappropriate that would be.  But your daddy and I know that your mommy is controlling, and manipulative, especially to you, her daughter....because when it comes down it, your mommy dosn't want to share you with your daddy, nevermind let me be part of your life.  Even if that meant that you could have an even better life with me and my family accepting you as a part of our family, and you would have that many more people love you. 
You will technically, be my actual step-daughter this summer, even though I've considered you my step-daughter for almost 5 years now.  I can only hope that someday, you will grow into an open-minded woman who wants to know the whole story, who wants to know me, who wants to know someone who could love your daddy so much that she would work through all problems with him instead of asking for a divorce like your mommy did.
 
I know that your mommy will not read you this letter, that she will not show you the pictures that show that we used to have a connection.  But someday, I will show you this letter, and I hope that we can sit down and talk about all of it....and that you will maybe be able to see that I do love you K.
I'm sorry that your mommy is turning you against me.  I'm sorry that your mommy is constantly introducing strange men to you, that she is never around because she is always out with these men.  I'm sorry that your mommy started medicating you before you were 4 for ADHD....I'm sorry that your mommy had you at such a young age and that she obviously couldn't handle you so she drugs you instead.  I am sorry for so many things K, but I will never be sorry that I love your daddy and that I love you and want to be a part of your life.


Love, C.

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53 comments:

  1. How sad and touching

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  2. The situation is tearing me apart, but there's now way that the "mom" will ever let me be a part of Ks life again.....at least until she's older and hopefully will make up her own mind to connect with her daddy and stepmom...

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    1. People petty and its sad it is like that. I have a great relationship with my ex husbands ex and his current wife. But my husbands ex I can not deal with. She is petty and childish and I have tried and tried but I tell my husband all the time if we divorce she is my first free visit lol.

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  3. Maybe you should stay out of it. She's not your daughter and doesn't have to have anything to do with you. Grow up. Quit bad mouthing my sister.

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  4. Maybe you should deal with the fact that I have my own opinions and the right to voice them on this blog. You're her half sister right? Yeah, well my children are Ks half siblings, if I want to care about K, I have every right to. If you and your family don't like what I have to write, then don't stalk my blog, and you should tell your sister the same thing.

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  5. I understand you think you have some right to talk about my niece, which I can't see why, but in all reality.. WHO THE FUCK IN THEIR RIGHT MIND POSTS A LETTER TO A 6 YR OLD KNOWING THAT THEIR MOTHER IS GOING TO READ IT!? Oh, she read it to Kaley, BTW. Even SHE thinks you're crazy. Christine is an amazing Mom and has sacrificed more than you'll ever know for that little girl. Why does Sean not have your ass in check about this shit?! He should know better.

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  6. LOL!! You are obviously mad, that's fine. You have every right to your feelings, just like I do to mine. Have you ever even met S? Why do you care if I want to write down my feelings for my future step daughter? Who will, by the way, see this some day...because no, I don't believe that Ex read her this, that's fine. I wrote it to get it off my mind. Now, don't you have something better you could be doing? If your sister has a problem with this, she can let me know herself instead of having you stalk me. Grow up. You're only making yourself look crazy. You think I shouldn't stick my nose into K and her mommys businss? Then maybe you should consider taking your own advice and get out of mine.

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    1. Not to be totally in your business lol...but I dont think anyone said the mom wasnt a good mom...unless I missed that. I dont understand why people jump to that if its not the case and isnt said......

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  7. Nope, haven't met Sean. I totally would just to sit down and talk with him, but I'm across the country. You can believe whatever you want about Christine. We ALL know she's an amazing Mother to that little girl. And I'm sorry, but if Sean wanted to go see Kaley and it had to be by himself.. you shouldn't keep him of that. That right there is bullshit. I'd go to hell and back to see my daughter if I didn't have her with me. He's a grown ass man, cut the strings and let him learn to be her Dad if that's what he wants. It's about Kaley, NOT Celena. If you were in Christine's place then you might understand. But you just don't give a shit. If you truly cared about Kaley, you wouldn't act this way. Christine may not like you, but she doesn't talk shit about you. She never brings you up unless she's uncomfortable with something YOU do. I may be looking crazy, but I don't give a shit. I'll defend my family any day.

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  8. Grow up and go spend some time with your daugher....show your sister what it's all about. Just find something else to do other than stalking me. It's sad, and a little scary. But I do want to say thank you to you, and your family for sending my ratings skyrocketing today :) Now this blog post will be all over my blog because of it's instant popularity :) Next time you decide to stalk me all night, could you at least click on some ads and help me earn money? That would be great, thanks :) Go away now. I'm sure I'll have to deal with comments from the Exes mom any moment now, and I don't really have any more time to laugh over your comments :)

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    1. You're really ridiculous and I hope Sean realizes that one day. Such a catch! Hahaha!
      Tell Sean to grow some balls and be a real dad to Kaley, if that's what he wants. He needs to keep you out of it.

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    2. Shouldn't you be busy with your own life?!? Go away.

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  9. Having a stepmom can be a great thing. I an not one but my kids have a great one. She needs to realize your not trying to take here daughter you just want to have a relationship with her and the fact of the matter is that you are going to be there weather she likes it or not and needs to get over it!! She is only hurting K and when she gets older I hope she learns the truth.

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    1. THANK YOU!! That's all that I was trying to convey here!! K will only benefit from having a "mom figure" that loves her and having another woman in her life that she can talk to!!

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    2. Jean. You have NO idea what you're talking about. Maybe you should get to know the "relationship".
      Celena. You're so full of it. That's not what you're trying to do. Quit bashing Christine and look at your own parenting. Sorry some women have to work for a living and can't stay home constantly. It's called being a grown ass woman and taking care of your own. You two may not get along, but it doesn't give you the right to slander her name. How would you feel if the tables were turned? Quit causing baby mama drama, it's childish. Respect is earned. Maybe if you be respectful and respect Christine's wishes things could be different. Matter of fact, I know they could be. She said so herself that she wants Sean to have a relationship with Kaley and get that established before you're back in her life. This isn't about you. It's about Kaley. She's 6 and hasn't seen Sean in how long? Let them build a relationship and stop worrying about yourself. I understand baby mama drama and Christine isn't trying to cause any. Get it through you head that right now, in Kaley's life, you're irrelevant. At this point I'm not even trying to be a bitch. I even get where you're coming from if or when you do marry him. But for the time being, just let your hatred go. It's toxic and makes you look mean. Let Sean get to know his daughter to where she trusts him. Their relationship is important, not yours with her. It's up to Kaley if she decides she comfortable with you. You can't force her. Seriously, just take a step back. It'll help a lot with all the tension. And Christine is Kaley's mom. She's an amazing woman. If you EVER say bad things about her to Kaley, you'll regret it. Kaley is proud to have the mommy that she has. She's always been there for that lil girl. That's something that will push her away. It's rude and uncalled for and you'd hate it if someone did that to you with your kids. It'll all work itself out if you chill out!

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    3. Seriously kath.uh.leen, find something better to do with your time. All you're doing right now is making youself look crazy, childish, nosey, and pathetic. I have every right to say what I want, on my blog. If your sister has a problem with me, then she can tell me herself. Go away :)

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    4. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, someone is seriously Jealous over you being able to be a stay at home mom!!! I wanted children, I wanted to raise them, not have someone else bring them up. We sacrificed a lot so that I could stay at home, just as I'm sure you do, now when I say we, I mean Rog and I, not the kids, They had what they needed, if not always what they wanted. They knew they were loved, and cherished and what more can you give a child? Your doing it a little different by working a night job, when S is home with the kids, so they are still at home not at some babysitters..........................Like I said Jealous!!

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  10. I think celena did a beautiful job with this letter. yes there are two sides to every story but all I saw from celena was love for a little girl. what I saw from the other women commenting was hatred. that being said I'm inclined to believe celena. this little girl is being used as a pawn by her mother against her father. I've seen it plenty of times and it sickens me. keep up the good work celena. hopefully some day the little girl who becomes a woman will sit and chat with you:-)

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    1. Thank you so much Stacy for understanding what the letter was really about!! I hope that some day K will sit down and talk with me too! <3

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  11. WOW! I have read and reread everything posted here. My thoughts: Celena you are doing a great job as a mother with your two children. I feel any child that has a chance to have you in their life is blessed! My boys have thrived with the positive influence of my husband being in their lives. Yes he is the STEP DAD! He never had any intention of replacing their father just being an extra support system and unconditionally loving them! I think that is all you are trying to do and with so many families that have gone through separations/divorces etc. it is up to the adults to make sure the children are cared for and loved. There needs to be a complete support system from both the biological parents as well as the STEP! I am sorry that you obviously have people out there that don't see this. The only person to be hurt by this is the little girl :( The HATE that I read in those posts scares me for the child! On another note: I personally feel that if you don't like what is written on someones wall or blog then you should just delete it!

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  12. Thanks Holly!! I think it would only benefit K as well! But some people just can't see that! It's a little scary that simple-minded people, who don't know me OR S, can go off on a blog I wrote just expressing my feelings! But no, I'm not going to delete her comments, they honestly only show her in a bad light, and that person is a sad excuse of an aunt to K.

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  13. No you shouldn't delete her! If she doesn't like you or your blog though she should just delete it from her list of blogs to read! I feel for K, however when she is older she will understand yours and S point of view. The saddest part is that such negativity in her life is not healthy at all. Stay strong and remember that those who know you guys know how loving, caring and giving you are. HUGS

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    1. AH I get it :) But I can tell you that there is no way that this girl, or Ks mom, or her family will stop stalking my blog, it's really, really sad. However, YOU are sweet :) I really do hope that someday K will take the time to get to know me and hear the whole story.... Thanks again!!

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  14. I want nothing more than to beat your face in you fucking cunt!! Your a real piece of work u know that! Stay out of my sister and my angels life you are nothing more than a pain in the ass! You have nothing to do with Kaley and never will! She has nothing to do with you and never will! This letter is bullshit and your nothing but bullshit! I am tired, sick and fucking tired, of hearing about the evil things you do. Fuck you and fuck this letter! Kaley sees right through your disguise! She knows her mother loves her more than life itself andnshe knows that your the cunt whore that stole her daddy away! Granted tht wasnt hard cuz he is a piece of shit and a deadbeat dad to her anyway but in her eyes tht doesnt matter you still took him from her! We dont need to turn her against you! You do that all by yourself with shit like this u fucking idiot! My sister is 3 times the human being you are and 10 times more a better mom than you will ever be! Christine is my hero she gave up her dreams her youth her life her home and moved away from her family for Kaley! She had other choices and you better believe she knew them but she decided to keep her and let me tell you that was the best decision she ever made! I cant imagine life without tht little princess in it and i cant imagine how my sister would be if she had chosen any other option. My sister loves that little girl and does an outstanding job raising her teaching her and protecting her! Keeping you away from her is part of that! She is protecting her from you, you fucking bitch! Stay the hell out of their life raise YOUR kids with that piece of shit u supposably love so much and leave my niece alone! Your not worth her and neither is Sean! She is an outstanding little girl and is going to grow into an incredible woman one day and she will do that without you and without Sean! I'm fucking tired of your shit and I'm tired of this. Leave the hell alone and burn in hell you fucking Cunt! You brought this upon urself and i wont back down! I am through sitting on the sidelines and watching you hurt my family! Go the hell away Celina! Fuck you and fuck Sean your both worthless pieces of shit in my eyes and you always will be! Look forward to seeing what useless bullshit u have to say! Yell scream get mad Celina this will be fucking fun and hilarious for me!! Like i said look forward to hearing ur reply cuz i know that i told you to leave the hell alone but you wont you will get mad and you will reply and this will begin the beautiful start to never hearing from you again! I dont give up i dont back down and this will end one way or another Celina you can either delete this bullshit and never contact my sister or my niece again or this can get ugly. Take your pick Celina! This will end!

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  15. Caitlin, thanks for the laugh :) I hope that you know that all you're doing is making yourself look crazy, psycho, and stupid. I can write what I want. YOU are obviously the mad one here. That's fine, you're entitled to your opinion, just like your sister half sister is, I don't care about your opinion though. Because that would mean that I care about you :) It's nice to see that you and kath.uh.leen care so much about what I say :) The funny thing is, the ONLY person who hasn't had anything to say? Is your sister. Maybe you should grow up. Get a life. Find something better to do with your time :) Nice language for you to have by the way. Hope you have a better mouth when you're around your niece. Good bye :)

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    1. Ya it makes me fucking angry!!! You claim to be this outstanding person and your not!!!!! Let me just point out that i witnessed you smoking and drinking while you were pregnant with your son and let me point out he came out small and yellow cuz of it! You were hurting your child before he was even born!!!!! Some mother you are! Your a bitch Celina and every word i said was true. You and Sean are not good for her and i intend to protect her from the both of you. And here is another thing u mentioned u took her to the aquarium when she was sick. Why the hell was my niece at the aquarium while she was sick rather than at home getting better dumbass!!! You don't take sick kids to the aquarium you cuddle up on the couch with movies and juice and water and healthy snakes you don't take them out where they stress their bodys and get worse! Thats common sense you idiot!!! Kaley knows that your no good for her so leave it at tht! She made this choice not us! If u love her as much as you say you would leave it alone and respect HER decision and go the fuck away Celina!

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    2. You're right, I did smoke and have a few beers while pregnant with my son, I never hid it from anyone. What business is of yours? At least I didn't get knocked up at 15, but hey, that's just me. And about my son, who is NONE of your business, he was actually born perfect weight, with a perfect APGAR score, and he had JAUNDICE. Something that's normal especially since both S and I had it as nerborns and had nothing to do with me smoking or drinking....but you would know that since you're a doctor? And about when K was sick? She had a snotty nose, that was all. LOL!! You're so pathetic Caitlin. You know, the only reason that this blog is now so popular, is because of YOU and YOUR FAMILY. If you had all left it alone, it would have gone away :) But now, since you're all getting crazy about it, I'm going to make sure that this blog is all over the place :) If your sister was smart, she would tell you and everyone else to back off :) Thank you so much for making yourself look crazy and giving me an oppurtunity to save copies of you actually threatening me :) Good job. Get over it. I have every right to write what I want. Thanks for the laughs :)

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    3. Celena, I am also a step-mom. It is a very difficult role. Your desire to reach out to your young step-daughter may be very well intentioned. All things being equal, you might very well be just the type of person to be a significant influence in "k's" life. Truly, that can only happen if you and her mom aren't in an advesarial relationship. My husband's -ex had a phrase tha used to really irritate me. "It's not about you..." as much as it irritatated me, she was spot-on. Your anger about being left out of the loop has turned this into your pain, your hurt. I know you probably are hurting. But K is a little girl who will in all likelihood may never get to know her father. There is one way that she may have some chance to know him. It would mean you would have to be the hero. That's going to be hard to do. Most of the people around you might not even notice it or appreciate it or even acknowledge that you were the one to make the relationship possible. But you will know. You will know that you love your husband and your step-daughter so much that you were willing to put her first. If you do maybe her father will be asked to walk her down the aisle 15 years down the line. My step daughter included her dad in her life and I am acknowledged as her step mom and friend. I've never regretted my decision to put my step daughter first.
      Wishing you all the best.
      Ziggy

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    4. Well, I hope Caitlin is not involved in K's life, lots of anger and lots of potty mouth. Someday K's going to read this and be so embarrassed by her...............Wow!!

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  16. Celena, I love that you have taking time to write this. it made my cry. I know I would write the same type of thing if I was ever in that place. As a child who has had two step mothers this is a great way to get the story out there for the kid. You are a strong mother and woman as well. I hope that in time you all as a family can connect. I bet she would love the kids.

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  17. Thanks Allison!! Maybe we'll run into each other again soon LOL :)

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  18. Whether I agree or disagree with anything said by anyone, I do know that there are certain individuals here who are acting worse than Middle School girls! The writer of this blog has every right to say what she feels in her own blog. People don't have to like it or agree, but they should at least be respectful and keep their rude, inappropriate, and unwarranted comments to themselves. I would think one would want to follow such advice if they were a decent human being. But, perhaps those people weren't raised with to have tact and class.

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  19. I have been where you are and it is not easy. I just feel bad for the child. I hope she never sees this as it is not fair to put her in the middle. I am sure your a good person but to have this type of language on your blog has turned me off.

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    1. Well, I'm sorry that you feel that way Glenda, and I'm glad you took the time to read my blog. The thing of it is, that it's the littel girls FAMILY that was using such horrible language. I hope that you keep checking back on my blog anyways!

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  20. Oh man, poor kid! I can't imagine what kind of a mother would teach a child that age to call ANYONE a bitch. Good lord.

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    1. My thoughts exactly Sara, and nevermind the mother, look at how the rest of the family talks....

      But Thanks for stopping by and I hope you like the rest of my blog :) I promise it isn't all filled with nasty mouth comments!

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  21. I don't know any of you, and I didn't get a chance to read through all the comments but no one can be 'stolen' from someone else. You can not 'wreck' and home that is already 'wrecked'. I am a biological mother to 5 kids (3 from my ex husband and 2 with my current) plus I am a step mother to 5 kids (3 from my ex husband and 2 of those are from his relationship after me, but we dont have this kind of drama) and 2 from my current husband and his ex is the same way. It is insane how being a stepmother to different children with their mothers can be so different. Me and the ex from my ex plus his current wife get along fine. All the kids get together and we all can be around each other with no crap. But my husbands ex is not even allowed in my driveway if she drops off or picks up the kids they have because she is a nasty women and will always be, and towards me. If 1 parent wants their child(ren) to be involved with the absent parent then they wont single them out, they wont expect them to be around the children without their SO or wife, husband, whatever. There is no need for the children to be away from the stepparent unless otherwise noted somewhere, unless the bio parent is just selfish and petty. In my opinion. You would think more parents would want their children to be with all the parents, step and bio, and the bio parents would want their children around a step parent that accepts them as their own because there are some step parents that are nasty so they are lucky to have that opportunity. Petty if you ask me....

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  22. celena,
    Oops... I accidentally wrote my comments in the wrong spot! What I wanted to also do was make a suggestion. I think you should consider taking your blog down... For the sake of your step-daughter and your husband. Your blog can only serve to continually upset your step-daughters family. Perhaps that wasn't your original intention. But now, you are left with a public shouting match. When K is old enough to read this, I wonder if it will cause her sadness and perhaps humiliation as well. You have unintentionally held her mother, aunts, etc. up to public humiliation. At some point it may even be a point of contention with you and your husband. If you were to show good will to your step daughter's family, it might not be accepted by them, but your husband would know you loved him enough to make the gesture. Eventually, kindness always pays off (even if you don't get the credit, it might be worth it if a little girl of divorce has the opportunity to get to know her father)
    Ziggy

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  23. Hi, I know you are hurt about some situations. Dealing with an ex is so difficult even in the best times. You will go through stages. Email me. I am a 10 year step mom and I have been where you are at and I know the hurt. You have to keep the children's well-being first and foremost in your mind. Is this helping or hurting? Does it create conflict? Tough questions I know. Keep that little girls heart at the forefront of your mind and you will know what to do. Hey I am a stepmom and I know 100 percent where you are coming from.

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  24. Okay, here's my unofficial opinion. The "aunts" are crazy for sure. However, any man that moves that far away from his daughter is a piece of crap...I understand that you want to have a relationship with her, but him leaving her means that he doesn't. Would you move states away from your kids? Probably not. Sounds like a loser. Hope you don't break up. He probably won't stick around to be a part of your kids lives either.

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    1. Unfortunately there are times when moms/dads do have to move away from their children to get better paying jobs to pay the child support the ex's have to get. I agree with Anonymous that the Aunts are crazy, but parents don't always have a choice when it comes to income. Lots of parents have move away to provide better for their children, I would hope that there was a clause in the divorce decree that says S will have K in the summer, school vacations, Christmas and other holidays. If not I hope S will go back and get this done. K needs to see her dad and it needs to be known that it is not an option, until she see's that her dad is there for those times, she will know that he truly does care and wants to be in her life.

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    2. Sorry, I meant to say When K see's that her dad is there for her at those times.

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  25. Hang in there celena, i was that child my whole life and i had my moment of truth and got to see the light in it all. As will she. I will say though the distance was the hardest part for me. My mother and i lived in maine and myfather and step mother lived in california.

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  26. Part 1:

    So, I really didn't want to put my two cents in on this post, but I am pretty worked up over everything that I have read. I am going to have to agree, to a certain point, with both sides on this argument. To the writer of the blog: I understand that you're in a tough situation and you want to be there for a little girl that you claim to love. But think of this: is what you're writing in your blog any different from what this girls mother is supposedly doing to you? Do you feel that you have the right to put someone else's 'personal' business out on the internet the way you did? I can understand feeling some sort of disappointment by the situation, but you could have handled yourself in a much more mature manner. There is no reason for anyone to post the things that you did unless you're trying to elicit some sort of negative response from the other side. And lets be frank, you have to have been, knowing that you have a public blog. Secondly, if this little girl ever reads what you wrote one day, do you think she will see it in the same way that you see it? Or do you think that she will see another woman trying to turn her against her own mother? Because reading this, all I see is you trying to turn her against her mother. All of the foul and distasteful things that you brought up about this woman's life, whether or not it is true, is disgusting and childish. This is hateful bashing and slander; plain and simple.

    Also, did you not read some of the comments that this woman's sister was posting? Did she not try to reason with you and tell you that what you were saying was upsetting her family? Does that not matter at all to you, that you're putting this little girl, that you claim to 'love' in a situation that she doesn't want to be in? All of the angst that she is going to feel because of the way that you are trying to push yourself into her life? I am sorry for all of the people commenting saying that they are step-parents and that it's hard and that sometimes you have to do what is right; this isn't right. Just because you feel like you're a large part of this little girls life doesn't meant that she feels like you're a part of hers. She has been away from you for such a long period of time, that maybe she is uncomfortable with you because of the situation that she has with her father? You need to step back, like one person already wrote, and allow your husband to have this relationship with her. She isn't going to build anything with you if she hasn't built something with him.

    And all of this extra money the mother is asking for? Why don't you save it. Put it away, in a separate account, whatever you can, and save up for a trip for your husband to go see her. I don't understand why there is such an argument about him having to go alone. You're technically not her stepmother yet. It doesn't matter if you think you are; you're not. You shouldn't twist your warped opinions on someone else just because you feel they're right. Her mother has every right to be upset that her daughters father is getting re-married. Did you ever bother to ask her why she didn't want you there? Why she felt that she didn't want you to be a part of her daughters life? Maybe she didn't feel you were up to par for what she expected her stop-mother to be?

    But, like I said, you have the right to express your distaste, but don't do it in a distasteful way, like you have done.

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  27. Part 2:

    To the sister: I applaud you in trying to help her see reason. I really do. Some people just don't understand that even though they feel they have the right to do something, doesn't mean that they do. I do hope that one day everyone can get along, but it doesn't seem possible. I believe that if this woman really had anything to say to the blog writer, then she would say it, in a private manner. I don't pretend to know what her reasons are for keeping the blog writer out of her daughter's life, but I think it would be easiest to try to convince her to write a well thought out letter to the blog writer to express her reasons and concerns. It seems that she won't be leaving the picture anytime soon. However, I implore you to stop responding to this post. It seems that the only response you're going to receive is 'lol,' 'get a life,' and 'stop stalking.' I mean, if you're really serious about a situation, you don't respond with such juvenile responses. You actually try to communicate, but what do I know?

    And to all of the women encouraging her: If you really, truly believe in your heart of hearts that it is okay for another woman to bash a mother, despite the truthfulness of whatever is said, then I do hope that you remember this when you're in the same position. It is never a good feeling to be the butt end of someone's rage, but even more pitiful to see a woman, who claims to love a little girl so fiercely, belittle a woman so detrimentally to the entire world. No one has that power.

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  28. I cringed when I read this. I get it, I totally get how you must feel but what are you doing going online and bashing someone's mother for the world to see? I don't doubt that the mother has some issues but you don't need to point it out because you end up looking like the bad one. Here's the thing if she's doing the wrong thing the little girl is going to eventually figure it out, kids always figure it out and if you kept the higher road things would eventually work out in your favor, by bashing the mom you're the bad person, you'll always be that person that talked badly about her mom. Kids never ever need to know all this information, this is not their business. Going into a relationship knowing a man has kids you have to take the responsibility of knowing your place with their children, you're not their mom and should stay out of parenting, your soon to be husband should be the one taking charge of this situation. You are giving the mother so much ammunition to use against you, the best advice is to stay quiet and let things play out. Fighting back with her family on here I gotta ask what are you doing??? What did you expect their reaction to be? I was given a piece of advice a long time ago and it was to be nice regardless and the meaner people are just be nicer, what are they going to do say oh you're sooo nice? Your exchange with her family looks like a Jerry Springer episode. Why are you talking about money? Why do you feel a little girl needs to know this? Why wouldn't you invite her to the wedding? I don't care what drama it brings you, now you're the bad person who didn't invite her to the wedding. OMG I feel so badly for this little girl, seriously, if I could give you one piece of advice is to take this post down, it's not worth the little traffic you're getting from it and apologize to this little girl if she asks about it when she's older and if her family saves it and shows it to her. Take the higher road, stop worrying about trying to show you're right. The only one losing here is that sweet little girl.

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  29. I am so sorry that you're all going through this. Many hugs. Coming by from the #SITSGirls FB.

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  30. I think all of you are nuts! If you and the two aunts can have this much drama in 'public' on your blog...what the hell are you all doing to that little girl!?!? You all are absolutely ridiculous and it sounds like both sides need to grow up! Celena...why would you bad mouth the mother of your boyfriend's child? Anywhere...for any reason!? Even if she is a piece of shit - telling her that isn't going to matter. It's her MOTHER - she will love her no matter what! All you are doing is causing more pain than necessary for that little girl! ALL OF YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED! You put this post up on SITS - pretending that it's a deep and honest post. It's not...it's bullshit. There's no reason for this kind of thing to be 'public', let alone to advertise it...either you have a lot of growing up to do or you're using a little girl in order to raise your stats. Either way - it's fucking sick. If you REALLY want that little girl to be a part of your life - you would take the high road and stop bad mouthing her mother despite your opinions of her!

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  31. This is a very sensitive subject. Your emotions come across very raw in this post, and my heart breaks for everyone involved. I am hoping that since a year has passed, that this situation has gotten better for all of you.
    Having said that; I know that it is hard not to reply to negative comments on you posts. I would personally make it so that you have to approve the comments for this type of post. If the comments from family members of the child's mother ARE posted, I certainly would not respond in a way to fuel the fire. In no way is it going to help anyone, especially not the little girl that you are trying to reach out to.
    I hope that you all find peace in this.

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  32. I just want to tell you I follow you on facebook and have for a bit now. I read most of your blog post when you link them on your page. I am aware you don't like anonymous post but it's all I got right now. My husband and I have been married for almost six years he has children in Texas and we are in the mid west he like your husband he was in the military in Iraq for a year or more they had problems before hand but the house was empty the day he returned, he had no idea they were gone until the day he arrived home. The next day he was served with divorce papers ( dead serious)! They have two kids together one boy and a girl my. My husband has post traumatic stress disorder and of course some people don't believe him or in the disorder but I know first hand that it does exist I can tell even more than him when it's creeping up, anyway it's basically why she left him, my husband has know problem with admitting his faults in the marriage he has been through tons of therapy we didn't get together until two years after his divorce. She however was married 31 days after, also he even tried to stay in texas to maintain the relationship he did have with his children. She still made visits to his home after she remarried saying she was confused one time asked if they could all possibly make it work... He ended up leaving the state to come back to his roots, we met up and hit it off now we have a child. He lost a little contact for awhile with his children after we were a year into our marriage the phone contact that they did have ended up with her never answering or if she did she would chime into the conversation always talking about the past recently these past few years he has barged in a bit the last two summers he has been able to go down and visit with the kids at her mother's house I did go the first year but not this year this has not been easy but I would rather him go to gain somewhat of a relationship she is there each time she constantly brings up the past and lately this extra money she wants he was Skype calling as well for a few weeks constantly this last time after he got back from his visit. Three days before the Skype calls got fewer and fewer the daughter who is eleven hasn't been in any of them. The special calls have been few and far between now but no sign of the daughter when he mentioned this she brought up the extra money. I could go on and on and give you a few more examples. I applaud how she using the children as a weapon also how dirty she is she knows my husband social security number and has said she could eff with his life at anytime this scares me as well sometimes she brings up things about are financial affairs she shouldn't even know. I realize this is lengthy but understand a bit of your pain. We are not as forth coming though but I want to be at times. I just as you long for the day where we could all get a long for the children it's hard for me being a wife to my husband who has a ex wife I never new it would be so hurtful. I too appreciate your honesty also anyone who reads these post here and there Could see through your harshness at times that all you want is some peace and to love your husband's daughter. The reason I know is because I live it to I understand whole heart what your saying to me it's nice to have someone who feels the exact same way.

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    1. Would love to know who you are :) get a hold of me on my FB page so we can talk :)

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