This recent situation between us is breaking my heart.
I remember when I first started talking to your daddy, and I was nervous about the fact that he already had a little girl who wasn't even 2 at the time. But your daddy told me about all of the things that had happened between him and your mommy, that they were getting a divorce, and when it came down to it, I loved your father, from the first moment that I started talking to him....this love between us? I knew that it would make me love you too, because you are part of his life.
When I first met you, I was unsure of how to act. Like an aunt of some sort? Love you, play with you, send you home. That's how things went, but we grew to care about each other a lot. I remember teaching you things, helping you go to the bathroom when the 3 of us went out to eat, getting you ready to go to the beach with me and daddy, taking you places, laughing with you, having you hug me because you were so happy. I wiped your snotty nose when you were sick, gave you snacks, made sure your daddy didn't give you any more candy because we were about to take you home and you would be having supper.
Did I act like your mommy? Maybe a little because we were around each other so much. But of course I knew that I would never be your mom. That was ok....you have a mommy.
But your mommy has tried continuously to hurt my relationship with your daddy. This is where things got bad between all of us.
There was a time that I was invited along with your daddy to have supper with you and your mommy at your house. I was invited to your 3rd birthday party, and was even asked to make the cake. Do you remember that cake? Your mommy had me watch you all by myself, because she had class and your daddy was at work. Your mommy told me that she trusted me to take care of you, that she felt better sending you off with daddy for a visit because I was there. Do you remember being at the aquarium with me and daddy and you were sick and all you wanted to do was cuddle with me? We have pictures to prove it.
But then there were times that your mommy wouldn't let me in the house, because your daddy had proposed to me. She threatened to have restraining orders put on me. She taught you to call me "bitch."
I can understand how a young girl would feel like her daddy had left her, how she would be confused as to why her daddy hadn't come to visit her....let me explain.
Your daddy and I and Dude, moved to Maine when he got home from Iraq, because this is where Im from. Dosn't your mommy always want to move back to California because that's where she is from, and where she is more confortable? Your daddy understood why I wanted to be around my family, dosn't your mommy want to be around her "family"? There wasn't anything in North Carolina for you daddy unless he reenlisted in the Marine Corps. Then he would have deployed again and would have been away from his family all the time. He didn't want to be in the Marine Corps anymore, no matter how much your mommy tried to tell him that it was a good option. It wasn't a good option for your daddy and me. About never coming to visit you? Maybe some day, you will understand the concept of "money" and how much it takes to travel so far. Your mommy has invited your daddy to come and visit, but it would have had to be only him.....this is not something that a grown man, who is dedicated to his family does. Your mommy wanted us to send a few hundred dollars on top of the $400+ that we send every month for child support (do you see any of it??), so that you and mommy could come up to Maine. Like I said honey, I really hope that someday you will understand, that the extra $200 or $300 she wanted us to send, would have taken food out of our childrens mouths and diapers off their butts.
When your daddy and I first moved here, you still wanted to talk to me all the time. We talked on the phone all the time. You talked to Dude on the phone, you were excited to talk to us! Then for a long time, your mommy didn't let you and daddy talk. I'm sure that during this time, your mommy talked about me, talked about how I had taken your daddy away, that I was the reason that your daddy didn't visit. I can only hope that someday you will realize that your mom hates me and is jealous of me.
And now, you and your daddy are talking again, having Skype calls when your mommy will allow it. You have seen me numerous times while talking to your daddy on Skype....but have never said anything unil this past Thursday. After your conversation with your daddy, where a fraction of my shoulder was able to be seen....you and your mommy called your daddy back so that you could tell him that you were uncomfortable with me being around. Your daddy tried to explain it the best that he could.....tried to tell you that he and I are in love and that I'm going to be around for a long, long time. That I'm never going to interrupt with your conversation with him, that I'm not going to laugh at you. K, I love you, I have since I first met you when you were 2....the reason that I'm on the couch while you and daddy are talking? It's because I'm hoping, and hoping, and hoping that you will want to talk to me again. That you will disregard all the nasty things your mommy tells you about me, and that you will remember that at one point in your life, I was there a lot, and taking care of you, and pushing you on the swings, and watching movies with you.
I have so many pictures of you K, that there is no way I could put them all here....
Your daddy and I are going to be getting married this summer K....and we talked, at length as to whether or not we should invite you...about whether or not you would actually be able to come. Unfortunately K, we decided that you wouldn't want to come to our wedding, because you can't even stand seeing me on the computer....so you say. We also know that your mommy would insist on being there....and I hope that one day, you'll realize how inappropriate that would be. But your daddy and I know that your mommy is controlling, and manipulative, especially to you, her daughter....because when it comes down it, your mommy dosn't want to share you with your daddy, nevermind let me be part of your life. Even if that meant that you could have an even better life with me and my family accepting you as a part of our family, and you would have that many more people love you.
You will technically, be my actual step-daughter this summer, even though I've considered you my step-daughter for almost 5 years now. I can only hope that someday, you will grow into an open-minded woman who wants to know the whole story, who wants to know me, who wants to know someone who could love your daddy so much that she would work through all problems with him instead of asking for a divorce like your mommy did.
I'm sorry that your mommy is turning you against me. I'm sorry that your mommy is constantly introducing strange men to you, that she is never around because she is always out with these men. I'm sorry that your mommy started medicating you before you were 4 for ADHD....I'm sorry that your mommy had you at such a young age and that she obviously couldn't handle you so she drugs you instead. I am sorry for so many things K, but I will never be sorry that I love your daddy and that I love you and want to be a part of your life.