A ridiculous potty training story involving poop and me laughing so hard that I cry


*If you have any sort of issues with poop, or problems with, or aversions to poop stories, or a strong gag reflex, stop reading. *

Although S. and I have been talking about potty training Dude for some time now, we randomly decided last night to gird our loins and throw ourselves into the business at hand head first (could I have mentioned any more body parts in that sentence? Probably. ).

Now, we didn't EXactly decide to potty train this weekend "randomly"...it has been talked about and planned for quite some time now.  We had WANTED to train Dude by the time he turned 2 (last November), obviously that did't happen.  Was it because we were scared of the situation?  Was it because we knew we would be moving out of that apartment soon and didn't want him to regress with the move?  Was it because we knew that Princess would be born soon and we didn't want him to regress out of jealousy? Sure. To all of those possibilites.  Was it more likely that we were just unsure of ourselves and had no freaking idea what we were doing despite all of the friendly advice that has been given to us since Dude was born? Um, yes. 

So we talked, and talked, and talked to Dude about potty training (not a good idea by the way, to say "potty train" because the only thing the Dude would hear was "train" and think we were going to watch a train movie.  I suggest saying ""pee on the toilet" ).  We always asked the Dude if he wanted to pee on the toilet, We bought some "big boy" underwear and showed them to Dude, but the time never seemed right.

So we finally said "We're doing this. Starting first thing tomorrow morning.  That's it."  (the Dude just turned 28 months, I think what we were mentally saying was: "it's time." )  We asked the Dude if he wanted to pee on the toilet like a big boy, he said "yeah" and it was a done deal (but honestly it would have happened even if he had said "no" HA ).

The beginning of the morning was rough.  The Dude didn't like sitting on his brand new super-ultra-f*cking cool bought-just-for-him "Cars" potty seat first thing in the morning, when he had just woken up, and hadn't even had the chance to cuddle with me on the couch for a few minutes.  I don't blame him, I'm pretty cranky in the morning too and I'm also awesome to cuddle with first thing in the morning all the time.

After that, things progressed nicely, with some peeing in his pants problems (we got rid of diapers cold turkey, no pull ups) , and sitting on the toilet every 20 minutes or so, etc etc, Honestly, things were going pretty good considering.  We thought it was going to be A LOT worse. 

Then, I realized Dude had pooped while playing.

I automatically lay him down on the floor, this is what I've done for the past almost 2 years (like I mentioned before, we don't have the space for a changing table) got his pants off, then started to pull his brand new super-ultra-f*cking cool bought-just-for-him monster truck underwear.  Now, I thought this was going to be his run of the mill pretty hard poop.  But it wasn't hard enough.  Because as I was pulling his underwear down (remember, he's on his back) the underwear turned inside out and as they were at about his knees, and his legs are raised up in the air, the poop falls out of his underwear.

And lands on his shin with a juicy, loud SPPPPLATTTT


In the 2 seconds this happened, my jaw dropped and I froze.  Shocked that there was now a huge pile of poop on my sons shin.

During this situation, S. is sitting on the couch...he automatically starts laughing, I don't blame him.  I was already laughing at this point and Dude was looking at me like, "What is so funny?"  I'm crying from laughing so hard at this point.  Between my tears I see S. come over to help.  We both have wipes in our hands, Dude now has poop on his opposite foot from being a squirm monster, I admit that I got poop on one of my fingers from trying to hold him still....the laughter and tears continued to flow freely. 

We all got cleaned up, got Dude onto the toilet again, and continued with the potty training.

S.s suggestion?  That if Dude poops his pants again, that we stand him UP to get his underwear off.

And we've laughed about it all day.  I guess when you're cleaning up pee and poop and doing laundry all day, and your day is set to a timer as to when you have to sit your kid on the pot again....you have to find something ridiculous to laugh about.