and THAT my man, is why I'm having a beer right now.

I'm having writers block again.

But here are a few tidbits for you.

Our dog, Ares, is annoying the f**k out of me.  If we leave the house for longer than 5 freaking minutes, he gets in the trash.  It's so awesome cleaning THAT mess up numerous times a week.  We have since started putting our trash can on the cellar steps if we leave the house for longer than 5 freaking minutes. 

What exactly did that result in today? 

While I was out with the kiddos doing some grocery shopping, Ares decided to get into the BATHROOM trash and eat the cat poop that I had scooped out and put into a smaller trashbag, and then into the bathroom trash can yesteday.  Unfortunantely, I didnt realize this until I had already put him outside when we got home so it was too late to discipline him.  SO FREAKING Annoying!

This morning as I was vacuuming, I realized that our vacuum is in desperate need of replacement.  It wasn't doing any sucking. Duh. So I pulled apart some hoses, while strategically placing myself between the vacuum and Princess (because you know, she gets into everything)....and ended up dumping A LOT of dirt and cat litter and random crap out on the carpet that had been vacuumed up in the process of moving out of our old place.  This is even more awesome because our home-headstart visitor was due to arrive in approximately 10 minutes, and this was including the time counted in that she's always late by.  In the process of dumping all of this random dirt stuff on the rug, I found one lone piece of sad, extremely small, and extremely DRIED up piece of cat poop (amazingly Ares didn't get to it before I did) and since Princess was all up in my space, I tucked that piece of (dried up) cat poop (that didn't smell!) into my pocket. 

And forgot about it. 

I swept the rug vigorously and our home headstart visitor showed up.  Late.  Then 5 hours later, after making lunch for the family, and taking the kiddos out grocery shopping, and taking care of the groceries, and cleaning up the cat poop mess in the bathroom, I found that f**king piece of cat poop....in my pocket.  Awesome.

The Dude was a typical almost 3 year old at the grocery store.  No, he didn't knock a container of blueberries onto the ground (which he did in front of my grandmother a few months ago in the middle of the produce section) and no he didn't throw a carton of eggs onto the ground so that I had to hover over it until someone came to clean it (which he did a few months ago in Walmart).  But he DID manage to touch everysinglething in the grocery store.  I'm known for exaggerating, but I swear I am NOT exaggerating right now (well, maybe I am. A little.  Whatever.) Annnnnd knock over a glass container of applesauce that THANKfully didn't break.  I wiped the sweat off my brow that had appeared in the .2 seconds that it had taken for the applesauce to fall and then I leaned in real close to Dude and started talking about "time outs in the middle of the grocery store"  He stopped his unruliness for about 5 seconds. 

I'm pretty sure that everyone in the store was in THAT aisle at THAT time and they were all judging me.  Sometimes you just have to ignore it and say (to yourself) "F--- it."  and move quicky and efficiently to the NEXT aisle while making it look like you were actually DONE shopping in THAT aisle.  Then avoid eye contact with the people that were IN that aisle at the time for the next 45 mintues you're in the store, because you KNOW you'll run into them again.  In my case, I ran into some of those same people while Dude was pulling Golden Books off the rack, while leaning almost all the way out of the cart during the half second I had my back turned to  grab the coffee.  Awesome.

I think this may be good for now.  I feel I have sufficiently vented.

To end this, when S. came home from work, he said..."How was your day?" as Dude was crying hysterically because he had just woken up from the nap that I had enforced on him when we got home.  I looked at him, and told him, everything that I just wrote.  More than that actually, I'm sure.  And then I said, "And that my man, is why I'm having a beer right now instead of wearing my running clothes."

Sometimes you have to say "Fuggar!!."  (that's kind of a private joke, sorry, but I'm sure you'll probably get what I'm trying to say).

And skip the run since you worked out that morning ;)

In case you were wondering, I'm also ignoring the dishes.

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smashed fingers are no fun

no. no they are not.

the other day i shut my left ring finger in the door as i was closing it.  my hand and brain went numb.  i thought i was going to be ok.

i wasnt.

in the next 2 seconds all feeling went rushing back into my finger and i literally squated down, hovering over my messed up hand thinking that would somehow make everything better. 

it didnt.

in the next 10 seconds i made my way back into the kitchen of the restaurant im working at and screamed my head off as i tried to hold ice onto my finger and everyone else in the kitchen is looking at me wondering when im going to pass out.  i almost did.  a couple of times.  while some people had to leave the room because they were having flashbacks of smashing their own fingers....and some people ran for bandaids while yelling at me to go sit down. 

the day after i smashed it

apparently i can handle having babies all damn day, but when i smash my finger i turn into a lightheaded, blubbering, wussy, mess

it swelled up pretty fast

thats unfortunate.

my main thought for the past week? besides moving plans? that i hope my children NEVER get their fingers smashed.  holy crap i wouldnt wish this pain on anyone (....well, maybe one person). changing diapers is interesting with my future gymnast daughter.  and for some reason i decided to "sword fight" with the dude a few days after i smashed my finger and he so conveniently hit my bad finger in the first few seconds.  im an idiot.  not because i was sword fighting with my son to begin with, but because i kept sword fighting with him!  shielding my left hand like i was grievously wounded.  but thanksfully, S. knows my pain and has been very sympathetic.   I would have called him a "dumbass" if he had come home from work with a smashed finger....S. pointed this fact out to me, but didnt call me a "dumbass."  i appreciate his restraint.

my finger has the biggest blood blister under the nail, which is only getting worse by the day.  for a few days there, my finger was completely numb...along with my middle and pinky finger...interesting.  now the nail is starting to lift and it is such a dark color that occasionally i forget (somehow) that i smashed my finger, and i see a dark purple color out of the corner of my eye and i think "why did i paint that fingernail?  oh right. i didnt."  i keep hiting the nail (packing up my house dosnt help) and the feeling is definitely back in my finger.  thats good.

and my only hope is that the nail will grow back after it falls off.

and ew.

or im going to have to wear my wedding ring on a different finger. :P


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a "new" new years eve? aka "progress"

This blog is a few months in the making...

(don't be distracted by my sons birthday presents here, look at that belly!  This was about 2 weeks before my daughter was born)

Just like everyone does, I made quite a few new years resolutions, and well, like just about everyone I know, it took a while for me to START those resolutions.  This year, like quite a few years in the past, one of my resolutions was to lose weight.  But not just to lose weight, but to TONE up my body.   I've never had a lot of weight on me, but I've also never been one to be toned. So, I decided (and maybe because I was going to be turning 30) that this was going to be the year that I finally got a toned body.  When I was pregnant with my daughter I didn't gain an extraordinary amount of weight (I think I was around 150 at the end there...), and for some reason it automatically came off (don't ask me how, because I dont know, it was the same with my son) but I still wanted to finally get the body that I've wanted for so long.

Fast forward 4 or so months...and I decided i had better get started on doing this.

When I started working out in the beginning of April, my weight was fluxuating between 120 and 119, pretty good in my opinion.  but like I said, I wanted to be more toned, and I knew that muscle would weigh more than fat...so I actually put my goal weight at 113, because I weighed about 115 through high school.  One of my motivators through the beginning of my working out schedule?  Pinterest.  Go ahead and laugh.  But honestly there are so many workouts and motivational things on that site that its almost impossible to NOT want to work out. 

(It's not so much the picture that I use as motivation, but the saying, because I do want to be a "fit mama" and I love that Dude will do "jumping jacks" and "crunches" with me, and will do stretches with me before I go for a run!)

I admit, I started out pretty slow...working out about 2 or 3 mornings/days a week...with ambitions to add in more workouts.  Lets be honest, that didn't exactly happen, but I did up my work outs to 4 or 5 mornings a week.   Then I started adding in certain diet foods, eating very consciously, taking vitamins and supplements.  Yes, I started to see a very signifigant change.  When S. told me that he was definitely seeing a change too, my encouragement and enthusiasm raised considerably!  I started taking my weight and measurements every week (on the same day and time) and wrote my weight on my bathroom mirror as a constant reminder and as motivation, like this pin I found on Pinterest.

Then, one week, I started eating only "water" foods such as watermelon, cucumber, and celery, and making sure to drink AT LEAST 60 ounces of water a day.  In 3 days, I shed about 5 pounds of water weight!  Then like a fool, I stopped...because that's life sometimes.  But thankfully I only gained back a few pounds, and when I realized how fast the weight came back, I made a commitment to drink a minimum of 45 ounces of water a day, but always working towards 90 ounces of water a day.  I won't lie, its almost like I'm prego again....I feel like our toilet paper budget has gone up....regardless, it works.  I've lightened up on eating only watermelon, cukes, and celery for every meal (seriously, it's not good for you for a long period of time), and now most of the time, these things are my snacks for the day and they can always be found in my fridge. 

The past month or so, for whatever reason, apparently my body has subconsciously decided that I need a break.  My workouts? Well, they're happening about 2 to 3 times a week now. and I'm drinking around 30 ounces of water a day....but, my weight is now fluxuating between 113 and 114!!!   So, in the past 6 months, I've been able to successfully shed 6 pounds of fat for muscle!  My goal weight has now lowered to 110 and I've been promised by S. that if I make it to my goal weight (and keep it off of course ) that he would buy me the sleeve that I've been desiring for so long.  It's good to have something to work towards.  It's also awesome when so many people have told me they see a change in me too, my mom commented that she has seen me "scrawny" a few times in my life and she's happy to see me losing weight in a healthy way now.

So, when I actually realized the other day that I've been slacking some, I'm back on the workout wagon.  More water, more workouts, better about my meals with my crazy schedules lately (regular meals help with metabolism!!) and I'm determined to lose those last few pounds before christmas!!

(Sorry I don't have a better "before" picture for you, but I don't take a lot of pictures of myself in my underwear....that I would post online.  This was about one week after my daughter was born in November 2011...I'd say mayyybeeee 125 pounds or so?)

(Taken today, Sept. 19, 2012 at 114.8 pounds)

(from the front)

So there you have it, my progess for the last 6 months.  If you're interested at all, this is my Pinterest board of workouts that I've done  and I look forward to putting another progress blog up in about 6 months!
PS. Let's get real here...you want to know the real reason I've been working out?  Here you go...

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when S. and i moved back to maine in march of 2010, probably the event that seriously made us stop in our tracks and then burst out laughing.....was seeing a particular girl in the local walmart.

her resemblance to S.s ex wife was UNcanny. right down to the sweatpants, muffin top, thick black eyeliner, and then her daughter who actually looks A LOT like K.

does the ex have a doppelganger?  did the ex's (real) dad spend any time in maine?  does the ex have (another) sister that she dosnt even know about?  of course we even wondered if the ex had MOVED to maine!! god you have no idea how much we laughed at this!!  then we started seeing her at the OB office because she was pregnant at the same time i was....im pretty sure that she started to get really pissed when it was so obvious that we were choking back laughter every time we ran into her.

where does this story lead?  well, S. recently started working with the doppelgangers husband.  S. thought he looked familiar...then saw pictures that this guy had in his workspace....then asked this guy about it.  the guy says to S. "yeah, we knew you were laughing at us"  and S. explained why of course....and said that we should all hang out, especially since their kids are right around dudes and princess' age.  the guys reaction?  he was favorable....the doppelganger, was NOT.  im not going to repeat all of the things that ive heard about this girl, because i have never actually met her myself to confirm or disprove what ive heard.....lets just say, shes more like the ex than just by her looks.  and by this i mean bitchy and crazy. 

although i was not too enthusiastic about hanging out with someone as ugly as S.s ex, it would have been nice for the kids. but now from what ive heard about her...i dont want my kids around her.  just like i wont have my kids around the ex.

imagine that. a doppelganger in more ways than one.


A Crazy 72 Hours....

I don't know how this happens, but it seems like when ONE weird thing happens some days...the next few days are filled with the most ridiculously strange bullcrap occurances.

This is what my past few days have been like:

- Dude starts throwing up right as I'm about to leave for work. This sucks and I feel like an a**hole because I have to leave....I promise him to try and get off work early. 
- I come home early, but I am on call for the night. 
- Princess is also a snot faucet by this point and the house is SO humid from the humidifier running in our kitchen that I feel like I'm entering jungle warfare as soon as I enter the house.
- I spend a few hours taking showers with the kids. The steam resulting from the bathroom door being closed during these showers is having marvelous effects on my hair.

- I get called back into work for about an hour, even with my wicked awesome hair.

Sunday night:
- Princess wakes up at approximately 2am. I have to "sway" her back to sleep while standing in the kitchen (the darkest part of the apartment).  It takes her a ridiculously long time to fall asleep.
-I stupidly decide to refill the humidifier in the kids room but my grainy sleep deprived eyes interfere and I end up spilling old humidifier water all over the kitchen floor.

- Wake up at 4am to see S. off to work.
- Spend the morning wiping up snot and taking more steamy baths and showers.
- Get ready for work.
- Pack up the sick kiddos to drop them off with my mom.
- While driving to moms, I have the most horrible feeling that I'm FORGETTING something....something important.  This is the worst feeling ever and I spend the next half hour mentally going over all of the appliances in my house and trying to remember if I locked the door.
- While at my moms house, I eat some ham steak which results in the most annoying, huge piece of ham stuck in my back teeth that I try to get out for the next 4 hours or so.
- Get to work, find out I'm not only early, I'm freaking an hour and a half earlyW.T.F?!?!  I could have sworn up, down, sideways and spinning around in circles that my shift started at 3pm...nope.  awesome.
- My underwear is riding up my ass.
- I'm having one of those days where my hair is annoying the hell out of me because it's not doing what I want it to.  Probably from all of the humidity in my house....
- The night wasn't too busy.
- I go home.

Monday night:
- Princess wakes up so many times and needs to be "swayed" to sleep, that I've forgotten the number.

- Wake up at 4am to see S. off to work.
- The house is cold because apparently it's already October without me noticing and the nights are just above freezing and this is when S. and I realize that there is something wrong with our heater so it won't turn on.
- After putting more blankets on the kiddos, I go back to sleep on the couch, wearing sweatpants and sweatshirt and underneath a blanket.
- Grocery shopping, work from home, go for a walk with the kids.....dishes, normal SAHM stuff. 
- Call the landlord to come fix our freaking heater.
- While out in town picking up groceries, I'm unable to pick up my daughters prescription formula because our healthcare is giving me the freaking runaround. 

- Dude watches from the backseat of the truck as I'm yelling at WIC, the doctors office, the pharmacy, and basically anyone that will listen, that they had better figure out what the hell is going on and get my daughter her formula. 
- Tell Dude I'm about to lose my freaking cool because people are making mama really mad.
- Apologize to Dude for yelling and tell him that I'm not mad at him.
- Get home, and as I'm making lunch for Dude I also make more phone calls, one of which is to my mom.  During this phone call, I'm trying to convince Dude to eat his lunch while swearing under my breath about the cat throwing up on the kitchen floor while trying to tell my mom that we set an appointment to see the house.
- S gets home and it's an understatement when I say I was really happy to see him!

- Dude tells Daddy that Mama is going to lose her cool and that she was yelling at the doctor.  S. said it was about time that I started yelling at those people.
- Landlord shows up,  rips apart the heater (while I'm cooking supper). Amazingly, he can't fix the heater yet because he needs to research the problem.
- We start pulling out the kids winter pajamas.
- Ate the freaking awesome supper I cooked (It was Pinterest inspired, check it out here ).

the side dish that we had with cornflake chicken, SO yummy!

- Fell into bed like it was going out of style.

AND, Princess was only awake ONCE last night. so, I'm hoping I can turn off the humidifier and not have Vicks scented hands all day.

There you have it....my past almost 72 hours.  Don't judge me because of the swearing and yelling.    But when it comes down to it....my kids are healthy (except for the snotty noses), I have a loving Fiance who frequently changed diapers, wiped noses, also rocked Princess, played with Dude, picked up meds, and rubbed my back for me.  And even though some days are crazy and events seem to stack up on each other, there were still a million smiles and laughs and hugs and kisses and we're so ridiculously happy that its crazy!


a pile of leaves on our window sill

today, dude was playing in our room for a while, no big deal since this a regular occurrence.  he comes out and tells me that he made a pile of leaves and made a fire.  no, i didnt freak out. we dont leave fire-starting tools where dude can reach them.  and i didnt smell smoke, so i said "oh yeah? thats cool buddy."  and left it at that and went back to whatever it was that i was doing at the time.

later, as the whole family was in our bedroom for whatever reason....i look over to our window, which i leave cracked open during the day (theres no screen on it, so i only leave it cracked so the cats dont get out) and i see a small pile of ripped up leaves on our inside window sill. apparently, dude can reach the bush thats outside our window. i smile, show S. and call dude over.

"hey bud, whats this all about?  is this the pile of leaves that you were telling me about today?
(S. is laughing)
"you can reach the leaves outside our window?"
"yeah.  its leaves for my dinosaur."
"oh. ok bud."
(as he proceeds to show me how he can reach out the window and tears up some more leaves to add to his pile)

i love him <3 


holy SHIT!! athletes have sex at the Olympics?!?!

big surprise.

but thank you so much Good Morning America for reporting about this.  i for one, do not care about how many condoms were stocked for the athletes.  actually, all in all, i dont care that they have sex, and i dont think that its necessary to report about this.  i didnt realize that we had reverted back to the 50's and finding out that someone was having sex was such a huge news story. 

tell you what, you go ahead and get a ridiculously bangin hot body....go to another country....have the opportunity to have sex with someone else who ALSO has a ridiculously bangin hot body...and tell me what you would do?  ESPECially if youre celebrating the fact that you just kicked ass in front of millions of people......OR if you just lost the biggest game of your life, and you need to get screwed 10 ways from sunday to feel a LITTLE bit better about yourself. 

regardless.....yes, adults do have sex. if its consentual (sp?), does it really need to be reported about on the morning news? 

to all of you Olympic athletes that are going to get laid while in london? good for you!  have fun, use those condoms that were stocked up for you (although some of your babies would be gorgeous), and maybe at some point, you could try to also protest the fact that your uniforms were made in China.......


you think you know so much?

ahhhh its funny!  you claim you know so much about me and my relationship?  well heres your chance sweetheart :) go ahead and send me a message or email or whatever telling me everything YOU know about ME :)  i did it for you..i sent you all those things your "friend" told me about you....so stop the hinting bullshit :)  and you might as well, because i aready know you read my blog...god you make it so obvious!


sadly, the ridiculousness continues....dosnt everyone love drama coming from pathetic exes?

there has been so much happening with S.s ex wife, that there is no way i could possibly keep up with it all on here....but this past sunday we had the most marvelous conversation with her through text message and that conversation definitely deserves a blog!

a little background for the past few months?  its probably necessary....

you would really have to read my past blogs to get the real sense of this ridiculously pathetic girl...how sad and how desperate she is...how much she is not helping S. and his daughter K. maintain any sort of relationship.  lets sum up:  S. and the x. seperated in march of 2008, S. and i started dating online since he was serving his first tour in iraq at the time (yes, she told him she wanted a divorce while he was in iraq, how awesome.)  when he came home, i moved to north carolina to be with S. we have now been together for 4 years and have two amazing children together, and moved to maine in 2010  S. has not seen his daughter since then.  the x.  has asked S. to come back to her. she has repeatedly blocked our phone  number so that S. cannot call his daughter, and instead of fostering a relationship between S. and K, the x. has made things worse.  instead of encouraging her daughter to talk to S.  she has insisted that S. come to north carolina to visit K (and stay in their house) or that K. comes to maine....as long as the x. comes also, even once offering to stay in our house so that we wouldnt have to pay for a hotel room for her.... ???  i find it unnecessary to say much more, i think its obvious that the x. is not only crazy,  but she is also a total bitch.

the latest string of events?  ohhhh where do i start?   i guess it started a month or so ago, when the x. spent her friday night emailing me trying to convince me that she is a good mother and that she has never kept anything from S. about K. and her health.  even though we had recently found out that this poor little girl had to be tested for STDs because she had an infection in her uterous.  she also valiantly tried to get under my skin by talking (again) about how i must feel pretty crappy because S. hasnt married me after 4 years...so what if were engaged?  apparently she thinks that shes pretty special because she got knocked up at 15 and S. married her....? 

if i was her, i wouldnt brag.

the x. is refusing to let S. call K.  our phone number has now been blocked from their house for the past 2 or 3 months....how mature.  the x. is saying that if he wants to talk to K. it can be over skype.  S. has never had a problem with the idea of skyping with K...he just didnt want to see the x. during the conversation he was supposed to be having with K.  because the x. didnt like that, and probably because she wanted to gaze upon the face of the love of her life... skype has never happened.....when S. and the x. were finally able to agree on the situation and a time, it came down to S. would skype with K. on her 6th birthday......the x. then tried the next day to change the time because she had so conveniently forgotten that K. was supposed to be in a gymnastics class at the original agreed upon time.  S. wasnt impressed, and long story short, the skype conversation didnt happen. 

S. also didnt find it necessary to send a birthday present to K.  after the bullshit that he went through at christmas time with her presents, and the x. threatening to not give the presents to K....S. is pretty sure that K. would never receive his presents, or they would be passed off as from the x. 

it has been 3 weeks since K.s birthday....and there have been no phone calls....no communication.  this past sunday, S. sent a text to the x....this is the conversation:

S: I would like to talk to K. today.  What are the chances of that happening?

bitch: Why? You couldnt be bothered to call her on her birthday.  Or even the day after.  You crushed her.  Its been 3 weeks and she is just now ok from the realization that you didnt call.

S: Forget i fucking asked. 
(this is when she went crazy)

bitch: Im not going to ask her just because for thirty seconds youre feeling guilty.  Its not fair to her.  Especially after her birthday and with Fathers Day coming up.  Its not an easy time for a little girl who dosnt have a father willing to give her the world and doing everything he can to be there for her.  Do you understand that?  How it affects her?  Its awful for her.

bitch: Theyre making Fathers Day gifts at school.  And her teacher and I gave K. the option to give it to someone else.  And she decided all on her own that she was going to have an Uncles Day instead and send her gift to Uncle F____ whom she misses very much.

bitch: And when she realized you didnt call for her birthday, she got ridiculously mad.  So mad that when she was put to bed, she refused to go to sleep.  Instead, she took a marker to all of her furniture and drew black x's all over everything.  And she has never done something like that out of anger.  And you can not blame her for being angry.

my response since S was driving?

Lol ok well at least shes straight edge.  Tell F____ we say happy uncles day :)

needless to say, there were no more text messages from her!

some more background information?  F. is one of the many men that the x. has had living at her house since she told S. she wanted a divorce.

lets analyze.  if that phone call had been so important to K. she would have realized that S. hadnt called that day...instead, she didnt realize it until a few days later.  the x. claims that she asks K. all the time if she wants to talk to daddy, but K. always refuses.  so, either the x. isnt really asking, or K. really dosnt want to talk to S...in which case, she shouldnt have been so mad about missing the phone call on her birthday.  it has been over 2 years since S. and K. have seen each other....does S. want to see K.? of course he does....yes he has serious doubts as to whether or not K. is actually his, but he has still thought of K. as his daughter for the past 6 years.  another point.....since it has been so long since K. has seen her daddy...or even talked to him for that matter...how can it be considered S.s fault that K. drew black x's all over everything? really? he has had no influence over K. in a long time... its not like they talked and S. was mean to her or something....reasonably, it should have been just another day for K. that she didnt talk to her daddy.  how can a child be so miserable when she just had a birthday party?  maybe the x, if she really wants some sort of healing time for K, should take down the pics of S. in Ks room, and more importantly, maybe the x should take down the wedding pictures of her and S. that she has in her bedroom!  what a novel idea!!  how sad and pathetic is it that this girl cannot move on from the man that she decided to divorce and still has their wedding picture beside her bed? one of the saddest examples of the x not moving on?  she has "tagged" a picture, on her facebook page, of S. and K.together, and the caption reads "the loves of my life"  HAHAHAHA  really??? all she ever did was talk about how crappy of a husband S. was....it is SAD that she still says that S. is the love of her life....i feel so sorry for her!!  S. even at one point removed this picture from his page, and she REtagged it!!  why?  who knows?  im assuming its because shes crazy.   maybe if K. sees her mom finally moving on, so will she, and she wont hurt anymore.....or you know, maybe the x. could stop having a revolving door at her house and stop being a slut and stop introducing a new man into K.s life every other month.  i think its time that the x starts looking inside her own house to find out why K. is so miserable.

other things to analyze:  WHY are there markers in K.s bedroom when its already known that she has a tendency to draw on her things?  why are the markers not in an area of the house, where she cant get them by herself?  but thats just me.  also.....was every child from a divorced home at that school given the option to give their gifts to someone else?  way to go singling K. out.  aslo, like i said earlier, S. feels extraordinarily detached from K. because the x. has done nothing to foster a relationship (i think i just emphasized that point) does the x really think shes going to hurt S.s  feelings by telling him this?  once we found out that the x had actually started sleeping with other guys before S. left for iraq, S. is wondering even more seriously if K is his daughter.  when S. left for bootcamp in 2005, the x (at that time his girlfriend) started spending an awful lot of time with some other guy...and when we pulled up pictures of him, wow.....K. looks more like that guy than she looks like S.....miraculously, as soon as S. left for bootcamp, the x was knocked up.....way to go trapping a man.

guess what?  i never had to "trap" S.  never.  we decided to.geth.er. to get pregnant.  have S. and i been through a lot of shit, yup.  ive never denied that.  but we are at a point now, where we can communicate effectively and hardly ever argue anymore.  the last argument we had?  it was a few weeks ago and for some reason one day we both had a hair across our asses and we couldnt agree on what pair of shoes to buy for princess.  seriously. we laughed about it later.   we dont get mad at each other and then one of us goes and spends the night in the walmart parking lot in our truck because we need to think things over.  yes, this is what the x did one night with her second husband....she got annoyed at him, then left him at the house with K. and spent the night in her car, the next day telling her husband she wanted a divorce (number 2) after being married for....3 months?  way to go trying to work through your problems. 

some other interesting information?  to tell you all, just so were all clear on the subject....its not S.  that refuses to marry me...he asked me to marry him after we had been talking on the phone for a month...he and i both knew from the moment we met that we were meant to be together.  S. would marry me tomorrow....we have not married yet because of ME...I have been the one saying "not yet", because i want a real huge blow out beautiful wedding...not a justice of the peace wedding, which by the way, the x has had 2 of.  is there anything  wrong with a JOP wedding? no of course not, but its not what i want. i find it hilarious that the x thinks she can get under my skin and make me feel bad about the fact that S and i havent married yet while he married her while she was pregnant. um, nope. try again sweetheart.  it must really suck for her, to know, deep down, that he married her only because she was pregnant.  he felt bad for her, and knew that there was no way she would ever make it on her own...because she was, and still is, so immature. 

in short....S. and i have come to realize, that there is no forward progress when youre arguing with a pathetic little girl who can not see that she is also to blame.  she is continuously blaming S.talking about how abusive he was (where are the police reports), saying that it was the best for her daughter to get a divorce (yes, shes so happy isnt she?), saying that S. should be spending all his money on K. and coming down to see her (because, you know, S. dosnt have another family that actually loves him or anything and he needs to think of them first).  this sad little girl will never be able to move on, and she will never be able to accept any blame.

its really sad, and really hysterical all at the same time!  S. and i feel nothing but pity for this sad excuse of a mother....and look forward to the day when we can explain to K. ourselves what really happened.


i almost threw up while writing this one

this blog is about the death of a 2.5 month old baby and will be somewhat explicit.  if you feel you will have any problems while reading this, you should stop now. 

yes, it is the end of may, obviously i have had problems with keeping up my resolve to write more often, sue me.  and honestly, it has taken me some time to write this blog because it literally makes me sick to my stomach just thinking of this man and what he did.

at the beginning of may, as i was sitting down to supper with S. and dude eating sandwiches and watching the news, a horrible, horrible story came on....and while listening, i literally put my sandwich down and almost had to run to the bathroom before i threw up all over the rug.  it was close.  no, i didnt throw up, but then i almost burst into tears..... i couldnt finish my supper to say the least.  and i hugged my kids extra that night, and every day and night since i heard about this.

there was a man, whos girlfriend had recently given birth to their twin babies.  this man was having problems adjusting to parenthood, and one day, he became frustrated because one of the twins wouldnt stop crying. so, in anger, the man picked this 2.5 month old baby up by his head, squeezed his head, then threw him into a nearby chair, hearing the babys neck snap as he landed.

if i saw this man in person, i wouldnt even ask him what the fuck was going through his head.  i would just fucking tear him apart and spit on him.  literally.

this poor, defenseless, small angel, had severe brain damage, and died in the hospital a few days later.

if you would like more information, here is a link:


my heart is breaking as im writing this, and i want to bawl, and throw up.

how. the. fuck. can any person do something so fucking heinous??
 (yes, i do apoligize for my stronger than usual language, but i feel this situation warants a lot of swearing.)

i understand that some people have a hard time adjusting to parenthood.  i know how trying it can be.  i know that somedays i want to go crazy from hearing "right ma?"  a million times from my son.  yes S. and i are ridiculously tired somedays, yes we are frustrated somedays and we may yell at dude, or spank him when he is being completely out of line. but, we also go to great lengths to protect our children and make sure that they are happy and tickled often and as happy as we can possibly make them.  there are times (just about every night actually) that i stare at my babies just to make sure that they are still breathing because it is my worst fear that something will ever happen to them. 

how can any person resort to something so disgusting as to kill their own child??

its not only women who can suffer from post partum depression, yes men can have it too.  having a baby is a huge change.  but if there is any one out there who is feeling so frustrated that they are thinking about hurting someone so small, they need to seek immediate help.  there are so many places that will give you help, thats what theyre there for.  ladies, you need to be attentive to the man in your life, whether he is the father of your child(ren) or not, and see how he handles these situations....and the same goes for men.  they need to pay attention to how women are handling new parenthood because sadly, women sometimes go to these lengths also.  at this point, even though my heart breaks for the mother of this baby, i also blame her.  this man had also at one point fractured the same babys arm while changing his diaper because he was frustrated that the baby wasnt "cooperating."  um.  really?  how did the mother not see at this point that drastic measures had to be taken? 

parents need to remember something....when you look at your child, one of the first things that should always go through your mind is...."he/she is so small, so fragile." 

we may feel our kids are rough and tumble when they reach a certain age, but they are still smaller than us.

there is something that my parents and grandparents always say....and even though sometimes when im tired and frustrated its annoying to hear it again, i know deep down that they are right......"a baby crying is a good thing, because it means its alive and healthy."  they are right.  your child is the most amazing gift you could ever receive.  i was hugging my son before bed tonight and as i was smelling him all sunshine and sunscreen and peanut butter, all i coud think was, "you are the most amazing thing in the world."   as i play with my daughter, who just cut her first tooth and smiles back at me with my smile and smells like the nasty formula smell all i can think is "you are the most amazing thing in the world." 

how can any parent not feel the same way? 

i think i may have to stop writing, before i go on for hours and hours about children and how they should be treated with love and respect and handled like the precious cargo they are. 

this man, however, this man who killed his own son?  he is a piece of shit.  i honestly hope he dies in prison, and rots for eternity in hell.  there are very few things i will make such a strong statement about, so i hope that you who know me personally, will see how strongly i feel about this subject.

go hug your babies extra tonight, and every day from now on and thank whatever god you want that you were able to receive such an amazing gift.  and remember this when they cry, or theyre annoying, or youre tired....they are smaller than you and they are all of the best parts of you. 


feeding your kids like a bird?

so. this story was in the news...a few...weeks ago?  yeahhhhh i mentioned my writers block in my last blog right?  well, sometimes when i see funny stuff, or something funny happens, i write notes and get back to it later.  in this case A LOT later. whatever.

alicia silverstone was shown on the news feeding her son like a bird.  yes.  as in the food was in her mouth, then she spit the food INTO HER SONS MOUTH.

what. the. fuck

look, i am in no way saying that i am the worlds greatest mom by any means.  i yell sometimes.  i get very frustrated sometimes.  sometimes, i even SPOON food into my 2 year old sons mouth because hes being incredibly wicked stubborn and wont finish his peas but i know that if i PUT the peas into his mouth with his spoon...he will eat them. with gusto.  but what i witnessed this woman doing was just...gross

have i wiped snot from my sons nose? yes.  have i stuck my face near his butt to figure out whether or not hes shit his pants? yes.  have i wiped pee from his leg with my hand because it was the closest thing available while hes peeing into the toilet, and he ended up peeing on his leg instead, then washed my hands after? yes. have i gotten shit on my hand while trying to change his dirty underwear while we were potty training him? yes. are all of these things pretty friggen gross? yup, ill admit. with gusto.  they are ALL things that i honestly never thought that i would be doing while i was in that blissfully ignorant state of my first pregnancy.....but these things happen. 

but as much as i love my children with all my heart, i will never. feed. them. from. my. own. mouth.

well, maybe if it was the end of the world-apocalypse-type shit going on and i needed a way to feed princess or something. i guess someone can never really say "never."

so i will say that i would never do this on any regular, run-of -the-mill day.

a comment that one doctor had to say about this?  the human mouth is one of the dirtiest things in the world.

another comment?  what are you really doing for your kid? oh yeah, youre not helping him learn how to feed himself.  you know, thats a pretty important skill to have nowadays.

i dont care if your son likes the soup you were eating. get him a fucking spoon and teach him to use it.  who cares if the area surrounding you and your son gets covered in soup in the process?  trust me, he'll figure it out eventually.

the only other thing i have to say on this subject?  that if this is the new trend, well hell.....im way ahead of the friggen trend because to be completely honest with you, i was doing this shit when my son was about 11 months old.  this was the result.

nailed that shit. dead. on.

obviously im joking.  get a sense of humor.  S. and I actually teach our kids to feed themselves regardless of the ridiculously horrible end result.  was a bath necessary?  oh yeah.  there was no way that a washcloth was going to make a dent in that mess. 

but hey, thats parenting.


A disappointing start to the lawn/garage sale season

I've been suffering from major writers block lately....maybe not writers block...maybe...laziness?  Maybe at the end of the night when the kids are sleeping I'd rather have a beer?  Yeah, maybe.  maybe I'll just completely blame Pinterest.  Yup.  That would make more sense.  If there is anyone out there that has not at least looked at this sight...well, I'm impressed by your will power. It is obviously a lot better than my own.  This sight can suck the living soul out of you..or at least it seems that way when you look up from your computer and realize that you've been looking at recipes and crafts that in all likelihood you will never do.  I justify my pinterest obsession by saying..."yes, I did make that one brussel sprouts dish, and it was amazing." 


I should do more of these things that I pin.  so I will keep pinning on the off chance I'll ever have the time to get around to it in between bottles and changing diapers and washing laundry and picking up the crayons that my son has yet again thrown all over the living room.

I will try harder to write more often.....


Last week as I was perusing the local online newspaper (in between pinning recipes for cheesecake) I came across the first major garage sale of the "season".  it was actually considered a "moving" sale...but oh holy god they had one item advertised that made my heart sing out for S. because he has been wanting this for so long...a chainsaw!!!  I almost woke him up...but refrained.  I knew he would be wicked excited, not only because he might be able to pick up yet another tool cheaply, but also because I know that he actually loves lawn sales as much as I do and its a major indication that summer is truly around the corner.  so I told him when he woke up.  His eyes lit up like it was Christmas.  I swear to god.  Soooooooo we planned all week to go to this lawn sale on Saturday (thank goodness he had the day off!) even though the sale was officially starting at 8am (*gasp*).  on Saturday morning, we all got up early (well, Princess slept like her normal dead-log self, so we put her into her carseat and packed a bottle) and hit the road, picking up Dunkin Donuts on the way.  The dude was ecstatic to say the least.  He's as much a sucker for donuts as his dad is.  We got to that friggen lawn sale 10 minutes early...and everything was already GONE. including the much coveted chainsaw.  *tear*  Not only was everything gone (except for some records, a bread machine, and some tupperware) but there were so many people there that we checked our car clock to make sure we weren't late!  It was crazy!  I'm pretty sure that we weren't the only family in the area eagerly anticipating the start of lawn sale season.  S. even went up to the couple who were selling everything and asked about the chainsaw.  This mans response?  "oh, people have been coming by all week.  it was one of the first things to go."  Um. seriously?  How is it that you advertise something like this, then sell things during the week before the actual sale.  Look, I understand that you're trying to make money and get rid of your shit because you're moving.  But, come on.  Jeez.  he probably could have made more money if he set up some sort of auction for that freaking chainsaw.  We were so disappointed in this garage sale, that we drove around town for the next half hour or so hoping with all our hearts that someone else maybe, possibly, was having a garage sale too.  No such luck.  One of the good things about this major disappointment of a garage sale?  We were up so early that we got a ridiculous amount of random things done around the house that day. 

I'm pretty sure S. would have preferred the chainsaw, because he would have told EVERYone about his garage sale adventure......


A ridiculous potty training story involving poop and me laughing so hard that I cry


*If you have any sort of issues with poop, or problems with, or aversions to poop stories, or a strong gag reflex, stop reading. *

Although S. and I have been talking about potty training Dude for some time now, we randomly decided last night to gird our loins and throw ourselves into the business at hand head first (could I have mentioned any more body parts in that sentence? Probably. ).

Now, we didn't EXactly decide to potty train this weekend "randomly"...it has been talked about and planned for quite some time now.  We had WANTED to train Dude by the time he turned 2 (last November), obviously that did't happen.  Was it because we were scared of the situation?  Was it because we knew we would be moving out of that apartment soon and didn't want him to regress with the move?  Was it because we knew that Princess would be born soon and we didn't want him to regress out of jealousy? Sure. To all of those possibilites.  Was it more likely that we were just unsure of ourselves and had no freaking idea what we were doing despite all of the friendly advice that has been given to us since Dude was born? Um, yes. 

So we talked, and talked, and talked to Dude about potty training (not a good idea by the way, to say "potty train" because the only thing the Dude would hear was "train" and think we were going to watch a train movie.  I suggest saying ""pee on the toilet" ).  We always asked the Dude if he wanted to pee on the toilet, We bought some "big boy" underwear and showed them to Dude, but the time never seemed right.

So we finally said "We're doing this. Starting first thing tomorrow morning.  That's it."  (the Dude just turned 28 months, I think what we were mentally saying was: "it's time." )  We asked the Dude if he wanted to pee on the toilet like a big boy, he said "yeah" and it was a done deal (but honestly it would have happened even if he had said "no" HA ).

The beginning of the morning was rough.  The Dude didn't like sitting on his brand new super-ultra-f*cking cool bought-just-for-him "Cars" potty seat first thing in the morning, when he had just woken up, and hadn't even had the chance to cuddle with me on the couch for a few minutes.  I don't blame him, I'm pretty cranky in the morning too and I'm also awesome to cuddle with first thing in the morning all the time.

After that, things progressed nicely, with some peeing in his pants problems (we got rid of diapers cold turkey, no pull ups) , and sitting on the toilet every 20 minutes or so, etc etc, Honestly, things were going pretty good considering.  We thought it was going to be A LOT worse. 

Then, I realized Dude had pooped while playing.

I automatically lay him down on the floor, this is what I've done for the past almost 2 years (like I mentioned before, we don't have the space for a changing table) got his pants off, then started to pull his brand new super-ultra-f*cking cool bought-just-for-him monster truck underwear.  Now, I thought this was going to be his run of the mill pretty hard poop.  But it wasn't hard enough.  Because as I was pulling his underwear down (remember, he's on his back) the underwear turned inside out and as they were at about his knees, and his legs are raised up in the air, the poop falls out of his underwear.

And lands on his shin with a juicy, loud SPPPPLATTTT


In the 2 seconds this happened, my jaw dropped and I froze.  Shocked that there was now a huge pile of poop on my sons shin.

During this situation, S. is sitting on the couch...he automatically starts laughing, I don't blame him.  I was already laughing at this point and Dude was looking at me like, "What is so funny?"  I'm crying from laughing so hard at this point.  Between my tears I see S. come over to help.  We both have wipes in our hands, Dude now has poop on his opposite foot from being a squirm monster, I admit that I got poop on one of my fingers from trying to hold him still....the laughter and tears continued to flow freely. 

We all got cleaned up, got Dude onto the toilet again, and continued with the potty training.

S.s suggestion?  That if Dude poops his pants again, that we stand him UP to get his underwear off.

And we've laughed about it all day.  I guess when you're cleaning up pee and poop and doing laundry all day, and your day is set to a timer as to when you have to sit your kid on the pot again....you have to find something ridiculous to laugh about. 


When Do I Get to Throw a Tantrum?

Our son, Dude is 28 months old....such a big boy, an awesome big brother, sweet, handsome.

He's also 2.  That's the crappy part.

The temper tantrums are starting to make me go insane, as I'm sure they are making S. go insane...at a slightly slower pace since he goes to work during the day.  The fact that he is going insane slower than I am will be good in the long run.  He will be able to stay with the kids while I crawl into a hole somewhere, curl into the fetal position and hum softly to myself.  No, no humming actually.  Because probably any noise whatsoever at that point, will send me down a spiral of tears and shaking.

I'm slightly exaggerating.  slightly.

Like I have acknowledged before.  I GET it, I really do....I think maybe "God"  or whatever higher power there is up there, sends 2 year olds into our lives so that we will be able to deal with teenage girls at some point...either as the parent of one, or sibling, or whatever.  (I apologize to Princess in advance, since I know she'll probably read this when she's a teenager or something and will think "thanks a fucking lot mom".)  Or maybe God put me through an emotional crappy point of life (being a teenage girl) so that I would be able to deal with my 2 year olds when they came around eventually.  Whatever the case, I GET Dudes emotions.  I know it sucks to feel like you're not getting any attention, i.e, there's a new baby in the house.  Or when your show gets turned off, even though you're not watching it anymore....but you know, of course it makes sense to flip shit when your favorite movie gets turned off because you're in your bedroom playing with your cars instead of in the livingroom watching the movie and your mother would rather watch "Days of Our Lives" instead of "Cars" for the freaking 1000th time.....but I digress.  I understand that Dude feels like he doesn't get enough attention from daddy when he gets home from work....it used to be daddy and Dude time, but now sometimes daddy has to take Princess so I don't shoot myself in the foot for an excuse to leave the house for a few hours. 

I feel bad for Dude sometimes, seriously.  I'm sure it's incredibly confusing to him to have so many changes in his life.  Some days he is so incredibly sweet, waking up with a smile and a "hey mama" and he comes and sits with me on the couch, and doesn't make a ridiculous mess while eating breakfast.  Then it all goes completely downhill.  Downhill roller coaster fast.  Ridiculously fast.  So that I'm standing there with my head spinning wondering where the hell my awesome son went and where the hell this demon child came from.  His head doesn't spin, but sometimes he spins in circles.  In the kitchen.  Then chases the cat. Jumps on her. Pulls her tail.  I yell.  He cries.  Rinse and repeat.  Until about 5pm when daddy comes home.  Then daddy takes my place while I sit outside chain smoking and contemplating curling up into the fetal position and humming to myself and dreading the fact that I have to go back inside to cook supper.

The most notable of these famous tantrums?  Yesterday. Definitely yesterday.  I have to be honest, I have completely forgotten why Dude flipped out, but he did. It was bad.  So, we very calmly told Dude that we weren't mad at him or anything, but that he had to go into his room and sit on his bed until he calmed down and then we would have supper.  He didn't calm down. Tthe crying and screaming continued for a good ten minutes before I finally went in there because it was at the point that I was afraid he was going to make himself sick.  I know I have said before that we don't "coddle" Dude during his breakdowns, but this was bad.  So I sat with him, was calm, tried to talk to him over the screaming, then finally gave up and just sat with him.  A few minutes later even S. came in.  We talked to him some more, tried to tell him again that we weren't mad at him, that he just had to calm down.  What finally got him out of this breakdown?  When I started telling him what we were going to eat for supper and I got the point of "biscuits."  Honestly.  He heard the word "biscuits" and it was like the freaking faucet turned off and he did a complete 180 and got down off his bed calmly and walked into the kitchen.  What the FUCK?  My reaction?  "Okaayyyyyy.   Let's eat." 

My mom likes to tell stories of how, at Dudes age, I, being the sweet, gentle, loving little girl I was (hahaha I'm exaggerating of course), would break into waterworks if my dad looked at me and said "______ eat your supper"  in the nicest, most loving way.  I would just break down, lose my mind at the dinner table.  Is this payback?  I'm pretty sure that if my mom is reading this, she is nodding her head while very emphatically saying "YES" and laughing.  Payback is a bitch, in case any of you out there didn't already know that.

Back to my original question, when do I get to throw a temper tantrum? 
Maybe if I ever get pregnant again? 
Now I'm sure that S. is laughing at this point if he's reading this. 

Last night Princess went to sleep pretty hard, I was rocking her in her cradle until 11pm or so, then she was up at 3am (I'm pretty sure one of the cats woke her up and if I figure out which one I might kick it...no, I would never do that, jeez.  I'm just trying to make a point).  As I'm walking around the room trying to put on pajama pants in a blurry not quite awake fuzz, I can see S. sit up in bed, but it's obvious he is nowhere near awake, I'm pretty sure he was sitting up with his eyes still shut. So I get the Princess and bring her into the living room to change her diaper and make a bottle.  As I've got her all unwrapped I realize there are no diapers readily available....and that there is also an old diaper, all wrapped up, that S. hadn't taken care of when he changed her before bed.  I just about lost my damn mind.  I grab another diaper, throw the other one away, the whole time screaming at S. in my head because I didn't want to scare Princess or wake up Dude by screaming at S. out loud.  I get the bottle made, after I WASH one out, almost fall asleep while giving it to Princess on the couch, then we do fall asleep on the couch, because it was almost 4am at this point and I didn't want to go back to bed and listen to S.s alarm go off at 4:30.  At about 5am S. gives me a kiss to say "see ya" because he's headed out the door, and apparently the look on my face was pretty bitchy because he says those magic words that usually will make any woman even MORE mad, "Are you mad at me."  Of course I say "Yes."  At this point I have to give S credit, because even though he should be leaving for work, he sits down on the coffee table and asks me why.  I tell him.  I'm not nice about it.  He says, "Ok.  have a good day ______"  and he leaves.  I'm pissed. Angry. Livid.  But for a split second I'm sad that I wasn't a little bit nicer about it because that's really not a good way to start the day, you know, listening to someone bitch at you as you're about to leave for work, or to be bitching at someone at 5am.  Like I said, sad for a split second, then I fell back asleep.  When I woke up, I was mad again. 

But after working out my frustrations by keeping myself really busy all day, and having numerous conversations with S. in my head in which I yell at him about everysinglefuckingthing he has ever done wrong....I calmed down.  And S. came home.  And we've had a good night, and talked about the situation a little bit, and cleared some things up.  And I even apologized for being a bitch. 

But I didn't apologize for feeling the way I did, that would be silly. 

I kind of wish I had thrown a tantrum.  Just a little. It seems like I have come to a point in my life, where even when it's a little necessary that I lose my shit, I don't, because of the kids.  That's not fair in. the. least. 

I think I might have to pick up kickboxing or something. 

And pretend I'm throwing a tantrum while throwing punches.


Cat Shit

a brief glimpse into the craziness that sometimes happens even when the kids are asleep...

sooooo...S. and i have the two cats along with the kiddos.  S. gave galore to me on our 2 year anniversary, and S. was basically followed home by tulah last summer.  galore is gray and white and because of the pattern on her head, it looks like shes wearing a helmet.  tulah is calico and long haired...to the point that its a little annoying because ive never had a long haired cat before.  neither of our cats are "fixed".  why? you may ask....well, because we dont let either of the cats go outside, and because we dont really have the money for it, but BEcause we dont let them outside, we figured this was ok.  when galore started going into heat, it was pretty annoying, but weve gotten to the point where we can deal with the yowling for a few days a month....and were pretty sure that tulah is starting to go into heat now too.

since were pretty sure that tulah is starting to go into heat, when she started up with the yowling last tuesday, i didnt think anything of it.  then i kept noticing her licking her ass....not like its anything out of the ordinary....i figured she was either trying to clean up, or trying to get rid of her, ahem, "itch".  but she kept doing it, so i pointed it out to S. that night.....whatever.  we put the dude to bed, we stay up a while, then we put princess to bed, and as im, um, changing into my pajamas (?) for bed, S. starts getting all mad because tulah is dragging her ass on the carpet a la any sort of dog....it was actually pretty funny!  but because S. is mad, i say, "well, lets check her butt, maybe she has worms"  (i said this because i know we have some fleas in the house, because we just moved into a new appartment where the previous renters had lots of dogs, so worms would be the next step..)  so, S. picks up tulah, and i lean over to lift up that nice fluffy long haired tail to find.....

cat shit stuck in the long fur around her butt.

*heavy sigh*

im actually laughing hysterically at this point.  why? well, im not really sure.  maybe it was because it was 10:30 at night, maybe it was because ive never had to clean cat shit out of my cats butt hair before, maybe it was because S. was pretty annoyed by this point...whatever the reason...i was laughing a lot!!

so, S. held tulah as i tried to grab at the culprit with some paper towels....it didnt work.  i tell S. im going to have to cut it out.

S. puts on his winter jacket and gloves, grabs at tulah...she runs.  we get her into the bathroom...but as S. is trying to get her into a position where he can hold her and i can take the scissors to the troubled area, galore is freaking out because tulah is crying and galore keeps trying to jump up on me and S.

we kick galore out of the bathroom.

some more craziness ensues as S. wrestles tulah to the floor.

the end result of this scene is....me (in my "pajamas") on my knees on the bathroom floor holding the door shut with my foot to keep galore out and tulah in, S. holding tulah down on the floor on her side, tulahs yowling/hissing, S. is complaining about how she bit him through his gloves, and im lifting up her tail and trying to cut out the piece of crap stuck in her butt hair while also trying to do it Quickly so she dosnt move and i end up stabbing her somewhere.....i finish...we let tulah go.  we go to bed, laughing. 

tulah didnt sleep with us all night.

yes, this is our life.


im a jerk? no YOU"RE a jerk.

i swear to god.  when S. and i are playing around with dude, he tells us were "jerks"

this is, actually, hilarious to us.

you all might be wanting some explanation about this behavior....read on. 

are S. and i "traditional" parents?  um, maybe.  kinda. sorta?  whatever it is that we ARE classified as parenting wise, i wouldnt say that we are........"up to the times" ?  "current" ?  whatever you might call it.  yes, we yell at dude (and im VERY sure we will yell at princess too), dude has been spanked, he has been put in time out, we dont discuss his feelings for long periods of time when he throws a temper tantrum....he is told to go chill out by himself somewhere and he can come back to the group when hes sufficiently chilled out.  he is made to eat all of his meal, whatever it may be, he is in no way coddled....well, you know, unless hes actually hurt.  but if hes told a hundred times to say, not run in the kitchen, but he does and he slips on the rug and he falls and busts his butt, our reaction is something along the lines of, "are you ok? you are? well, we TOLD you not to run in the kitchen...how did that work out for you?"  all said while we continue to do what we were initially doing.  are we heartless? not in any way whatsoever, we love dude like crazy and are continuously talking about how awesome he is.  but he IS 2, and he needs to figure some of this shit out himself.

other examples....we have told him hes a brat, a booger, that hes a poopy head and that he stinks when he has a shitty diaper (and he laughs. just so you know).  S. and dude play really rough, pretend slapping each other, rolling around and wrestling, and one of S.s favorite things to say to dude?  "youre a jerk."  quite a few months ago, dudes response started to be, "no, youre a jerk."  with a huge smile on his face.  needless to say, S. laughed hysterically and its become their "thing". 

dude is a total sweetheart, cuddles with both of us all the time, says "sweet dreams, love you" on his way to bed,  when he accidentally hits me he says "sorry mama" as he kisses whatever part he hit, he kisses and hugs all of his toys, and his sister, the cats, and gives his "baby dinosaur a "pacifier" and carries it around like a baby. 

but there are other times that he is a total......guy.  one night, he was laying on the floor next to me, he rubbed my head and pushed the hair away from my eyes and said, "i love you mama"  and i got a little choked up.....i told him, "awwwee buddy, i love you so much, youre so sweet"  and he immediately said to me, "shut up. stop it."  my jaw dropped.  S. laughed. a lot.  i (gently) pushed my son, and told him he was a booger.  while i was smiling of course. 

are we possibly raising a boy that will give off major mixed signals to his lady friends? im a little concerned about it.  but at this point, hes so charming that he gets away with it.  dont worry ladies, ill make sure that he can do all the manly things around the house, and know how to clean the house, and he will in no way be an actual jerk to whoever is living with him.

 but for now, hes a jerk :)


ghost baby?

before you all freak out and get weird, finish reading the post.

something has happened a few times and its made me think.....  continue reading before you really freak out.

so, sometimes, randomly, i can feel a twinge in my belly that completely reminds me of when i was still pregnant and princess was kicking.  the most recent time it happened, i was laying on my stomach (which is silly, because when did i EVER lay on my belly while i was pregnat with either princess or dude?) and i KNEW that what i was feeling was my pulse because it was so steady, and, well, you just know its your pulse.  but it felt exactly like being kicked by your baby while pregnant.  i dont remember the other time quite as well, but i remember the feeling it evoked.  for a few seconds it was like i was pregnant again and i felt that same elation that is felt when you feel your baby moving inside of you. 

what is UP with this?

the feeling is so strong, that i kind of have to remind myself that princess is sleeping in her cradle, not in my belly.  i dont remember having any of these feelings after giving birth to dude.....but maybe i was so sleep deprived that i didnt notice anything.  im pretty sure that by this point, im used to the whole "no sleep" thing. 

is this a weird form of post partum depression?  is this something akin to "ghost limbs"? you know, when a person loses a limb, but can still feel it itch sometimes.  is my body somehow mourning the baby that could have been?  of course dont get me wrong, i LOVE princess with all of my heart, just like i LOVE dude with all of my heart, but isnt it true that the mother always vaguely mourns the baby that she could have had?  as in, my dude COULD have been a girl, whose hair i could put in bows....and princess COULD have been another boy that i could have dressed in ridiculous amounts of camo....

when i say "post partum depression" dont get me wrong....i have had no feelings of depression whatsoever, im so happy with my family and my babies, but.....i dont know, these weird kicking feelings in my belly are making me think hardcore.  is it my body telling me to have another baby?  am i crazy to be thinking this already at this point? um. yes. yes i am. and i know it.  S. would say the same thing and he is very firm on the idea of having no more kids.....but i definately get baby fever with these twinge/kick feelings in my stomach at random times of the day. 

my pregnancy with princess wasnt exactly "hard" or "complicated" but i know for a fact that many people, including S. and my parents are glad that its over...i was known to be a hardcore bitch this time around....personally, i think they thought this because 1) S. wasnt around while i was preggo with dude (he was serving a second tour in iraq)  and 2) i think my parents choose to NOT remember what it was like while i was living with them while preggo with dude.  but regardless, i was known to be a bitch, and emotional, you know, those normal pregnancy things.  i had WICKed acid reflux, and my back was sore all the time, and i was ridiculously tired because of the 2 year old in my life.  so when i think of all of those things, i also wonder if i DO want any more children (ive been known to say that i want 3 or 4).  approximately one day after princess was born i thought to myself..."wait.  shit.  i forgot about going through the "teething" thing again."  and i got REALLY scared and nervous and thought for a split second of sending her back. 

but then i looked at her face and wanted a hundred more just like her...and dude too.

am i doomed to always be thinking of "ghost baby"? 

do i want more children?  do i want to deal with the tiredness? the freaking craziness that is my house already plus MORE?  the diapers? the baby poop? burp cloths?  spending money on little girl tights, and bows, and little boy baseball hats, and formula, and plastic cups in bright rainbow colors? 

um. yes.  because that first time that that baby smiles at you breaks your heart.  thats why.

sooooo, ghost baby....will we ever meet?

The days when you want to strangle someone.

Those days are irritating. To say the least.

S. and I, and of course the babies, just moved to a new apartment.  My mom watched Dude and Princess for us, and my dad helped us because we literally had 2 days in which to move a shitload of stuff.... and we moved into a slightly smaller space....so now there are boxes everywhere, I have no idea where ANYthing is...so that is incredibly frustrating when I have 2 people who are constantly asking me where such and such is...and by 2 people I mean S. and Dude...obviously princess doesn't talk yet.   

The move itself went fairly well, S. and I were very anxious to get out of a bad situation with our neighbors and landlord, and the weekend was nice, so like I said, easy enough.  But by Sunday night, after we had the babies back, and I had broken 6 fingernails (yeah it's a little thing, but it's painful sometimes you know?) a very sore back and butt muscles from going up and down the stairs hundreds of times....I was pretty much exhausted and done

Then Monday, Dude was out of control and whiney and freaking out all day.  Look, I get it.  He's 2.  This move is stressful for him too.  I seriously understand.  Even though his room is set up and his favorite toys are out, obviously he doesn't really understand what's going on.  Then when S. got home from work, we went over to our old neighbors house (the neighbors that we had liked) because they had offered to cook us supper so we wouldn't have to also deal with making supper during the move.....so of course Dude was going crazy because he got to hang out with his 2 "girlfriends" and wouldn't really eat, sooooo.....he climbed into my lap to eat his soup....and proceeded to dump an entire mug of milk all over himself and me. 


It was all I could do to not scream. 

It was my breaking point. 

I gently set him down on the floor.  Took the towel that was offered to me as the room went completely hear a pin drop silent.  Wiped up the milk.  Very quickly downed the rum and coke I had been given when we arrived.  And finished my soup.

 I think I deserve some credit for not strangling anyone. 

Why was this the breaking point for me?  Because of the incredibly fast move, I can't find any pants of mine that are clean, and do not have holes in them (meaning the crotch or butt) so that I can wear them in public.  The last pair that I had that was decent? Yeah, those are the pants that got drenched in milk. So now they smell disgusting.  And even though the washer is hooked up, the dryer needs some sort of adapter because the plug-in isn't what we need......all small problems? Yeah.  Can they be fixed easily? Yes.  But between S. working and me trying to unpack and make the apartment livable while entertaining a 2 year old and feeding Princess....these things might not happen until this weekend.

I guess I'm done bitching about something ridiculously small and insignifigant....but trust me, it didn't seem small and insignifigant at the time.  I don't really have to go anywhere for the next couple of days anyway....so I guess Dude and Princess and S. will have to be ok with seeing some holes in the ass of my jeans.

One of the funny things about this move?  S.s ex wife.  Yes, you read that right.

We texted her on Sunday afternoon to ask if S. could call his daughter k. later that night because he was busy moving. 

Her response?  "I will ask her if she wants to talk to you. And as per our agreement you need to update me on your current address, and employers name and address." 

Our response? "As per our agreement you are supposed to be keeping me informed of ______'s health and you still haven't told me what happened last Tuesday" (k. had to go to the doctor because she is LOSING weight, she is almost 6 and only 32 pounds, {{meanwhile, Dude is 2 and 29 pounds}}. Oh and there is blood in her urine, and apparently has been there for quite some time. Awesome.  S. texted her about 3 times every night last week to find out what happened....did he get any sort of response? Obviously not.) 

The part about keeping k's mom updated on S.s employer?  That's funny because as soon as k's mom got the child support agency involved in the situation...yeah, we DON'T have to keep HER informed on S.s info...we have to keep the CHILD SUPPORT agency informed.  Silly girl. 

Oh, and S. never got to talk to k. because apparently 5 year olds can't be told to talk to their fathers.

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